Falling in the Dark | ✓

42 | Someday

Almost three hours after Liam and I found Vera on the library terrace, my eyes are wide open in the pitch black of my room. I toss and turn in my bed yet again, the sheets rustling underneath me with what feels like impatience.

Soon after I asked for Bert's help - tears still running down my cheeks, my breath shallow from running - time seemed to quicken its pace. And before I knew it, Bert was urgently but calmly calling the authorities as Liam and I stood next to Vera in painful silence. The trail of tears dried on my cheeks, intensifying the cold that stung my skin. Liam and I watched as paramedics arrived a little later and took her away. We ran down the stairs as they took the elevator to the ground floor, our eyes following Vera until she was led into a white ambulance. We craned our necks to watch until it finally drove out of sight.

My hands trembled as I dialed Mom's number. Liam stood by my side, his eyebrows furrowed as he appeared to be battling with a hundred different thoughts. My mother answered on the third ring, her voice full of concern. Emotions were caught in my throat yet again as I recited what happened and asked her to call Vera's father.

I ended the call, pocketing the phone before turning to Liam. We stared at one another wordlessly until I finally broke eye contact and looked down at the ground. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him, not with Vera's words still ringing in my ears.

"What do we do now?" Liam's grave, deep voice forced my attention back to him.

"I guess we should go," I said, shifting my weight from one foot to another. We were cold without our jackets, our breaths escaping in hazy white puffs. "Get some sleep."

"I don't mean tonight. What are we going to do, Carmen?"

Something felt broken in the way that Liam and I were looking at each other now, and it sent a stab of sharp pain in my chest.

"I . . . I don't know."

What more will you take from me?

I kept my eyes glued to a distant point behind Liam's shoulder and muttered, "Maybe we should talk about this when . . . after . . ."

After things settle down, go back to normal? What even is normal anymore?

Struggling for words, I clamped my mouth shut, but Liam gave me an almost imperceptible nod of understanding.

"When are you going back home?" he asked, his face cast in shadows under the glow of the yellow streetlight.

Suddenly, I was overcome by the urge to touch his hand, thread my fingers through his, feel the warmth of his skin. The desire was so potent that I had to curl my hands into fists, rooting my feet to the ground to hold myself back.

"Maybe in time for New Year's Eve if I can manage to get a flight so last minute without burning a hole in my wallet." I smile wryly. "I want to stay for another two days."

Liam nodded again, his eyes piercing mine with unreadable emotion. He cleared his throat and said, "Okay, well. I'll see you . . ."

His tone rose in the end to make his words sound like a question.

"Y-yeah," I said uncertainly, and the both of us turned away from each other to head off in opposite directions towards our dorms.

I took a few steps down the sidewalk before stopping to look over my shoulder. A second later, Liam turned, too. Our gazes met briefly before we turned and continued walking away. Wrapping my arms around myself, I listened to the sound of his footsteps until they faded into silence.

Now, the same quietness hangs heavily in the air around me. I turn my head, letting my eyes traverse the length of Vera's empty bed for what must be the hundredth time. All this time, I've been racked with guilt for wanting Liam. But after what happened today - Vera's health and her future at Ivy University hanging in the balance - my remorse has grown to an extent that has become impossible to tolerate.