14th Reason Why

Part one: The Beginning Of The End

   It was awful having to walk those halls at school in the first place. And not just because it was school, and I was a teenager who was supposed to hate school and its comformity and authority. Or lack there of here at Liberty High. It was so much more than that. So much so it made my skin tingle and sent a cold shiver down my spine just thinking about that place we all know and love... It made my stomache churn and my muscles contort so that I was almost paralyzed everyday that I had to open my eyes and think about what was to come. What was going to happen that day at school - or more importantly what wasn't going to happen? It was hard even walking into that school, those classrooms, down those halls, let alone having to walk past Hannahs locker.      
  
Beautifully decorated with notes from students who claimed to miss her, or at least attempted to. It was like someone had put their scatter brained thoughts on a pink post it note or a white index card or maybe even a small peice of green poster board and stuck it right to her locker. As if she was going to be able to read them and think,
  
"Oh im loved, let me just come back now."
  
As if it wasn't already too late. Like sticking notes to an empty locker that no longer belonged to anyone is going to change the fact that Hannah Baker killed herself. As if some way some how that was just going to magically fix everything.
  
Well let me tell you a little something that I Iearned the hard way. Lies dont fix anything, they just make everything worse. And maybe those people sticking notes full of lies and fake love to her locker weren't going to make anything worse, but being a phony does and will. And if it dosn't cosmically fuck you in the ass someday it'll eat away at your soul sooner or later. And all those people sticking notes of nonsense to a dead girls locker were phonies. Half of them didnt even know Hannah. And the half that did, didn't care about her. No one did or she'd still be alive.
  
It really made my stomache twist up into a ball of knots everyday that I had to walk past that locker and see my bestfriends stupid dead face staring right at me. It was as if she was yelling out to me.
  
"You could have done better!"
  
"You could have helped!"
  
"You should have listened!"
  
She's right, I should have listened. We all should have. Maybe then she'd be here right now dragging me to class as per usual. But she wasn't and I just had to learn how to accept that.
  
I guess Clay Jenson took it the hardest though. He was practically in love with her. He was in love with her. And now he has to walk these lonely halls too. He has to think about the girl he loved being gone. Dead.

Everyday that he wakes up and every night that he goes to sleep he has to think about what he could have done and what they could have been. He has to pretend he didn't just catch a glimpse of Hannah walking the halls just like the rest of us. He has to deal with this just like we do. He has to pretend he dosnt want to rip all of the fake nonsense off of Hannahs old locker just like me. Just like Alex.
  
Ahh. Alex. Alex Standall. Pretty much the one kid at Liberty High that I can relate to. It was like we were on the same wavelength. Different than eveyone elses but the same as eachothers. Most of the time we were in our own little world. One that we created for just the two of us. Its like our two sarcastic souls were meant to be together, as cliché as that sounds. God if Alex heard me say that he'd barf and then say something sarcastic about what just came out of my mouth.

And Alex was there for me through it all. Even before the tapes were a thing. Even before my brothers death was a thing. And I was there for him when shit hit the fan. Or when it didn't. I was always on his side. Team Alex all the way. And thats what brought us so close. Our loyalty and ability to reply to anything with a sarcastic remark. But thats not to be confused. We're still the dynamic duo that we were before. We always will be. Because thats just us. Alyssa Wilson and Alex Standall. Two sarcastic assholes against the world.

But back to what I was saying. We're all dealing with Hannahs death differently. Some people are pretending it never even happened. Or maybe they're not pretending at all. Maybe they just don't care. They never did. Some people are taking this harder than others though. Mostly the people who actually cared about her.
  
So what are we to do after a tragedy like this? How are we supposed to build ourselves up after being torn down so quickly? After being completely and utterly destroyed? Or was that just me?

AN: sorry this ones short its kinda just the prologue most of this is based off of the movie its a just my rendition of how the story goes basically how i see it through my eyes only thing different is theres a 14th tape and more but i dont want to spoil it idk okay thanks for reading :)