HELL IN YOUR HEAD

INTRODUCTION

All through my life, I felt as though I should be this ditsy, feminine, rich bitch who got everything she wanted. That's how these stories always go. You know, there's a beautiful blonde girl who still wears a ton of makeup, regardless of her natural beauty - and she suddenly faces a huge challenge that requires an immense amount of change for her. As the chapters or episodes go on, she wears less makeup and her hair is a little less perfect, while the audience is tricked into believing she's an entirely different person. 

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, as you people say, but I'm no Rachel Green.

I mean, yeah, I'm rich as fuck and literally did nothing to get there, but I'm still a makeup-free, wavy-haired, hotheaded Tumblr maniac. Why am I like this, you might ask. I have no clue. Was it my unnatural desire to rebel? My absent mother? Or had the stars aligned just in the right way the night I was born? I don't know, and I probably never will.

Another question you might have? Why am I telling you this? Because if the gods hadn't made me this way, I would have never gotten out of that old warehouse. I would have never gotten back to my father and my cat, Pig. I would never have this story.