Hurt (Phan)

The Party

Dan nearly walked straight into yet another YouTuber, whose name had slipped his mind in his mildly drunk state. He was stood in someone's house somewhere in central London with a bunch of other people from YouTube who had got together for somebody's birthday, and he had lost Phil.

At first, when he realised Phil wasn't stood next to him as he usually was, he had assumed he had gone to talk to someone, or get another glass of coke, as he didn't drink alcohol. However, after half an hour of being apparently missing, Dan had begun to panic a little.

'Hey Daaaaaaaaan.' A voice behind him made him jump a little, as he turned to see who it was. Another YouTuber- was he called Joe?- stood next to him, tugging in his sleeve and slurring into his ear.

'Uh, yeah?' Dan might have had a few drinks, but he had built up a decent immunity to alcohol over the years, and knew what he was saying and doing. He hated not being in control of his actions, and dreaded to think what he might say if he wasn't conscious of it.

'It's Phiiiil, Daaan.' Dan suddenly jumped to attention, listening closely to what Joe was saying.

He giggled a little, and Dan looked at him, waiting for an elaboration.

'He... Come see, Dan, come see.'

Dan's stomach sank. What had happened to Phil? Why did he need to be shown what was going on? And why, why was Joe giggling so much?

He didn't need to wait long for all three of his questions to be answered. Joe pulled him into a side room he hadn't noticed before. He scanned it, looking for Phil. At first all he could see was a group of people dancing on an upturned sofa, a couple in the corner making out, and somebody knocking back some brightly coloured cocktail concoction from what looked like a gravy dish. Puzzled, he scanned the room again, looking closer this time. And then his blood ran cold.

The couple in the corner kissing were not just two more YouTubers in a 'private relationship' that nobody was supposed to know about. One of the YouTubers he didn't know, or at least he didn't have a clear view of his face. The other... The other YouTuber he knew all too well. Soft, pitch black hair straightened into a side fringe, swishing in the opposite direction to his. Icy, light blue eyes that you could go swimming in, that were looking deeply into the eyes of somebody else, in a way Dan never thought they would to anybody but himself. Pale skin, soft and perfect, not a single flaw, and covered up with black skinny jeans and the same turquoise and white checkered shirt he had worn on the day they first met.

Dan clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as he focused all his energy on not storming over, ripping the two apart and punching whoever was kissing Phil in the face. Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to get so jealous? Why was it, when there was an entire world of people out there, did he have to fall in love with his best friend? Why did he have to fall in love with him *again*? The last time Phil had dated someone, before he had even met Dan, Dan had managed to cause a massive drama on twitter with him. That Charlie Casey guy...

Suddenly, Dan looked more closely at the other guy with Phil. No... It... It couldn't be...

It was.

Phil was kissing none other than his ex-boyfriend, *the* Charlie Casey. Dan trembled, wondering what his brain was going to make him do, what it was he would end up regretting for probably years to come.

But what did happen next, he didn't expect.

He burst into tears.

Rushing from the room, sobbing as he tried to cover up his face with his sleeve and savour some of his dignity, he aimed for where he thought the bathroom was. Thankfully, it was empty, and so he threw himself inside, bolting the door shut. Then he sat down on the floor and cried. He muffled his sobs with his sleeves, but let the tears run down his face as he remembered the image of Phil making out with Charlie. He lay on the floor, curling up, and then drew out his phone. He had about a million notifications. @ replies streamed in from twitter. 'Omg is that Phil and CharlieSkies' 'wHAT about DAN' 'hey Dan is Phil cheating on you' 'Dan what's going on' 'who even is that guy where's Dan anyway' People left, right and centre were gawping over a picture that had obviously only just been taken. Phil... And Charlie. Kissing. For Dan, that was the last straw. He turned off his phone, dragged himself up from the floor, unlocked the door, and left.

It wasn't that late, there were still tubes and buses running, but it felt strange catching public transport on his own. Like he'd forgotten something, or lost a valued possession. It felt terrible.

As he arrived back at his and Phil's apartment, he didn't look at the walls, or go into any of the rooms. Everything reminded him of Phil. He went straight to his own room, and hid all the photos of him and Phil under his bed. Then he threw himself onto his bed, face first, and felt around for his emergency box of Maltesers. Feeling he could probably justify eating a whole box just this once, he grabbed a handful and began to crunch away at them, as tears began to fall down his face. He must've laid there for at least two hours, just eating Maltesers, one by one, and crying. After a while he came to accept that he couldn't stay like this for the rest of his life, after all Phil would be back soon. Maybe even with Charlie. He didn't know if he could cope with that.

An hour later (after Dan had pulled himself together, got online, and thrown together a 'cover story' telling his and Phil's followers on Twitter that the picture wasn't real, the two guys weren't Phil and Charlie as he and Phil hadn't gone out, they were in eating takeout pizza and watching Game of Thrones) Dan lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had been crying again. He was on the verge of falling asleep now, his eyes drooping, when Phil slipped a key into the lock, but he didn't hear it. By the time Phil gently pushed Dan's door open, he was in a deep sleep.

'Dan?' Phil whispered. 'Hey. Look, I saw what you tweeted, and thankfully it shut most people up. So thanks. I guess I'll thank you again in the morning, when you're awake. But, I just felt like I should thank you now, even though you can't hear me.'

Then, suddenly, just before Phil closed the door, he turned over, in his sleep. Phil looked up to see Dan snuggling into a pillow.

'Phhhiiillllll.' Dan moaned the word in his sleep, and rolled over, still cuddling part of the pillow. Phil saw Dan's face finally, illuminated strangely by a beam of moonlight, and almost cried out at the sight of it. Tear streaked and slightly pink in the cheeks, it was obvious he had been crying.