Silly girl I am Flynn Rider

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Hi guys. So I am finishing this story at 5:30am. This is my second 5am going to bed night and I am on 13 hours of sleep the past three days. I had a little breakdown tonight, and I feel absolutely awful about myself and just everything. I'm just having a shitty time right now. My ship went down in a sea of sound, when I woke up alone I had everything. A handful of moments I wish I could change, and a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade...

Enjoy guys.

Boys that I meet through a friend of a friend never stick around. But after four or five months, I came around again and so did he. Now he's a little bit older than I am, and everything that I'm not. So there is no point in falling for him, but I feel that I am already. Especially when he comes inside and shares a small couch with me. He stands before the two of us, and tells us to guess who he is. We can't, and he admits to us he dressed up as Flynn Rider from Tangled. He proceeds to tell us about a movie called V For Vendetta. He reads us the intro to the movie, making me read for a character called Eve I think. His accent is so wonderful: British but made his own and I can't help but giggle. Silly girl, he's not doing it to impress you.

Once the accent conversation runs dry, things seemed uncomfortable for him as our shared friend decides to bore us both with science. He asks me if I am willing to be his backrest. And me being a pathetically stupid girl I am, I decided to just look at him. Doe eyes and all. So he asks me a second question.

"How comfortable are you shins?" The three of us laugh, because that is an incredibly odd sounding question. But I sit my feet on the couch and proceed to let him be comfortable to my detriment. Because having someone sit on your feet and lean on your knees, puts them both to sleep. I don't mind though. In the moment I feel a little but special, like I actually mean something to him.

As the night goes on, the science nearly lulls my brain to sleep. It definitely does his. But the waking is inevitable when I accidentally tickle his back with my toes. It was cute, the way he jumped a little and turned around to look at me.

"Must you tap your toes?" He questions, standing and going to the kitchen. It was strange the lack of another persons heat against my body. It's kind of scary how cold the house is without him there. When he returns, I ask if he is comfortable. He says yes, but then takes hold of my upright knees, pushes them to lay on the couch and proceeds to lay his head on my upper thigh. This is normally something that I would be very uncomfortable with, scars considered, but for him it was different. It was nice, I think I almost feel loved. Silly girl, he's just a nice boy...he would never love you.

An hour goes by and we have barely moved. He shifted a little, moving his head up or down my thigh. He picked up a blanket and covered himself with it. The little things that he says are just unintentionally wonderful.

"I don't know why, but I'm going to hold onto your foot." He says, holding onto my cold feet under his warm blanket. That is when he asks our friend if he can stay the night. My heart flutters a little bit at the thought. I interject quickly that my mom, who is watching us, wouldn't mind at all. We all agree and he goes back to laying on me.

Another hour later, our friend finishes her science nonsense and starts asking us questions. She asks me about my sexuality, which I feel embarrassed to share in front of someone who is obviously a straight male. What if he's not like other guys, and things two girls is weird. Despite this, I open up to some questions and she proceeds to ask me if I'm a virgin. I am definitely embarrassed, considering I am. I respond truthfully and add that I'm boring to the end of my explanation. She asks him.

"I'm boring in some regard, because I'm straight and male." The questions continue and he starts to open up about how he views relationships, lying, family and love. He had a girlfriend who was a liar, and they broke it off a while ago. Everyone in his family is always angry and they fight all the time. He misses having someone to love and to love him because he just loves love. His life is so similar to mine and I feel so close, not even considering our physical closeness. Silly girl, those words aren't directed at you.

It was now around 3am and I was so terrified to fall asleep and miss out on the little time I had with him. So I push myself to stay away, and our friend pushes herself into having a fever. Now our friend is in chemotherapy, and a fever after chemo means a trip to the hospital. Now my mom comes down to us to check temperature and her whatnot, but my mom isn't fully her since she took something to help her sleep. She calls the hospital and arranges a cab to come pick her and my friend up from the house. My friend offered to drive, and when my mom tell her that is not happening. She not having a license, and not being covered on my mom insurance. But these are obviously not good enough reasons, and she starts having a complete meltdown. Crying, screaming and cursing at my mom.

It's hard enough watching some spoiled bitch yell at my mother, but I watched my parents fight with words and violence. So any kind of fighting, is absolutely traumatizing for me. I look over at him and I can see the same in his face. Completely blank as he stares off into space. She screams at my mom to leave and she does. She then screams the same at us and I take no time in running upstairs and sitting at the top. I tried holding back the tears downstairs, but up here, away from everyone else, I don't have the energy. So they fall. But he comes upstairs, and I try to make it seem like nothing is wrong.

"Are you okay?" He asks, and my lack of response I guess was enough. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I lean on his shoulder. My tears fall onto his white shirt and I think I understand why people love being held.

"Everything is going to be okay." He tells me, and I am almost able to bring myself to stop crying completely. I tell him thank you, but I don't get a response. Not sure if he didn't hear me, or if he ignored me. Once our friend has calmed down a little bit, he goes downstairs to try and make her feel better. Everyone goes to be when we get the okay, and I am very grateful to finally get some sleep. Even though it was 5am.

The next morning, I wake up at 10, scared to think I missed my opportunity to say goodbye. But I can still hear his wonderful voice downstairs. My mom makes us breakfast, eggs and toast. And our friend is asleep in the living room. Every time he or I made a noise, we would look at each other and try not to laugh. I found it so endearing when he would take a bite of his toast, which was very crunchy, and start laughing. But breakfast was soon over and he had to leave. I walked him to the door and held it open for him. I was surprised that he was willing to give me a hug, and it was tight and loving and warm. I tell him on last thank you, and he tells me he will always be here for me. He then takes out his phone, and asks me for my number. He said last night that he never asks for numbers.

The day goes on after he left and it gets to be 11pm. I am exhausted and I just wanted to go to sleep. But as soon as I lay down, I can't sleep. 5:15 rolls around and I am listening to the live version of Therapy by All Time Low and just completely bawling my eyes out. Over Thinking how alone I am and wanting to hurt on the outside like I do on the inside. Or just to stop feeling at all. That is when I get a call from him.

"Come outside. " He says into the phone and then hangs up. I pull on an oversized jacket and go downstairs. My bare feet touch the cold tile floor and I quietly walk over to the front door and step outside. He is standing at the end of the driveway, holding something behind his back.

"Why are you crying?" He asks as he steps forward to wipe the tears from my face with his thumb. I brush it off and ask what's behind his back. Flowers, he pulls a bouquet of flowers and holds them out.

"Is this some kind of joke? Please, just don't. I don't need you to pity me. I know what you came here to say. You wanted to tell me that it would never work out between the two of us. That I'm too young, or too fat, too ugly, too stupid to be with someone like you. But you brought me these flowers to tell me you're sorry for having to say all that to me. But I will just save you the trouble. Thanks for coming by. Maybe I'll see you some time." I try to keep from crying again, but it doesn't work all too well. But he just grabs me by the waist, picks me up and spins me around.

"That is not what I was going to say at all. I came here to tell you that I love you. And I can't believe that I have found someone as amazing as you to love. All those things I said last night...I was trying to tell you that there is someone out in the world who loves you and that person is me." That is when he kisses me. This is the first kiss I have had in over a year. And it's not at all like the kisses I have had before. It starts to rain gently and we both pull away and just look at each other. It is so unreal. Silly girl...

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