Does he love me?

First day

I wake up to the loud screams that I always do. I open my eyes and sit up, in the corner of my room a girl is curled up in a ball crying. "Are you alright" I've learned not to be afraid of them. It only makes things worse. She disappeared. Typical. They never want to talk. I get up and walk over to the closet. I open it and grab my black hoodie and skinny jeans. I put them on and grab my bag and sketch book and leave my room.

I tryed to avoid my mom the best I could but she ended up stoping me in the middle of the living room. She was at the kitchen bar that opens to the living room. "Hey James arn' t you going to eat breakfast?"  I look over at her and put on my fake smile. "No I'm not hungry." I wave the question away. "I see you've been cutting again." I put my arm down and pull my sleeve down. I looked at my mother. She looked dead. The black circles and her eyes glosed over. She looks like she hasn't eaten for days. Well she's eating just not food, if you get what I'm saying. "Well you better get to school."I nod and speed walk out of the house.

I walk to school as I always do. I walk in complete silence. No one is around me. I am alone in the silence. Cars don't even drive by. It starts to rain. Lighting strikes in the distance. I wish it would strike me. I wish it would end all this suffering. I wish.

I get to the school. I'm soaking wet but I don't really care. I walk though the school gates. All the eyes go strate to me. The whispers. The sliye smiles. The laughs. I rush into the school and down the stairs.

I get down stairs to find my band where they said to meet up. Kelly drums, Ash guitar, Will keyboard, Teady base, and me Lead singer. In middle school we would always meet in the basement. We didn't want anyone to know about our band. It was a secret till we get on stage. "James over here" Kelly was sitting on a old desk waving me over, Ash was standing next to her. Kelly was my best friend. She my family. She was a total badass. She gets all the guys she want, she rides a motorcycle, she wears all leather, and no one fucks with her or she will kick their asses. That kid as no fear. I walk over to them. "Hey, have you decited yet?" I put my stuff down. "Yeah.."  "Sooo.. are you going to do it?" Ash. Kelly's girlfriend. Ash was the opposite of Kelly. Well kinda. Ash was sweet, she got all of her work done in class, She wears a lot of band merch, she makes our band merch, and she rides Kelly's bike with a helmet on. "I'm going to do it." Ashs face lit up with joy and Kelly snickered. "It's about time. How long have you been staring at that kid, 5 years?"  "6"  "exactly! You need to put yourself out their. Epically if you love that person." Kelly has a good point. Ash steps tored me and put her hands on my shoulders.  "James, You put yourself out if you want to. It's not mandatory. You don't have to have someone to be happy." Ash has a good point too. Good points but don't apply to me. "Well we should get practicing so we have time before class." I hopped on to the small stage. "Come on. We don't have to practice the song. Let's have some fun." Kelly snickered. "You now what that means." Everyone look up from what they were doing and all yelled. "Singing competition!!"

After a few hours of singing at the top of our lungs we finally had a winner. Me. Witch was kinda saprizing. Ash is way better at singing and Kelly was the judge so you would think she would pick her girlfriend. *bbbbbeeeeeeeeepppppp* Will jumped off the stage. "Well, see you guys after school. Don't forget that we have our first concert on Friday. Wear all black and our band shirts that Ash has provided. That's it. Oh James good luck with Ryan. I hope it works out." Will the smart nerdy one, he's not intersted anything except this band and school work. Did Kelly just tell everyone. I grabbed my stuff and started to walk out but Teady  stopped me at the door. "Hey what was Will talking about? Works out with Ryan?" Teady has had a huge crush on me since we've met. She has no clue I'm gay. Teady is a sweet kid and shy but she is kinda obsessed with me. She always want my attention, never let's me hang out with other girls, and she gets jealous if I'm around Kelly to much. "It's nothing......Kelly must of told him something..... I don't know." I didn't know what else to say. She has no clue I'm gay and I don't really want her to know. I will just let it be. "I-I got to go..... or I'll be late to class.... bye." I walked off.

The hallways were pretty empty so it wasn't super packed. "Hey you!" Oh no. I recognize that voice from anywhere. "Long time no see. I see your still as ugly as ever. You still a little slut? Having sex with the teachers to get your grades up? I wouldn't be saprized. Once a slut always a piece of shit." Go away. I feel his arms push on my body. I slap into the lockers. His face in front of mine. "Don't you know it's rude not to answer when someone is talking to you?" Please just go away. His hand rams strate into my stomach. I still stand. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of me bending to the first blow. He punched me again and again till I was coughing up blood and I could stand anymore then he kicked me. More blood. More blows. The tardy bell rang. I could barely hear it over the ringing in my ears. Devin left me. Left me to bleed out on the floor. Like that one Monday night.