Before She Leaves

Sunday

     You open your eyes and stare at the wall, trapped in a one-sided staring contest. Eventually, you roll over and sit up. You stare around your room. "How can something so full of stuff always feel so... empty?" you say to yourself. "You slept too long," the deep, scratchy voice says. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm just so tired," you reply.                                                                                             "That's no excuse."                                                                                                                                                              "I know, I said I was sorry. I'll do better, I promise."                                                                                        "Good," the voice said, finally being silent even if only for a minute.

     Slowly, you stand up and go over to your dresser. "Look there," the voice starts back, "You've gained weight. You look awful. Do you realize that you eat more than both of your siblings combined?"  "Do... do I really?" you ask quietly. "Oh yes, much more. You should eat less and maybe get off your ass and exercise," the voice orders. "I will," you reply, embarrassed.

   Someone knocks on the door only seconds before opening it. "I made breakfast if you want some," your older brother says before quickly leaving again.                                                                  "You don't need it."                                                                                                                                                       "But I'm hungry."                                                                                                                                                            "Would you rather be hungry or fat?"                                                                                                                             You sigh and put your clothes on. "Exactly," the voice says coolly.

     You sit at your desk motionless, deadly staring at your computer screen. "What's the point? I'll just get a shitty grade anyways," you say staring at  the title of the three page paper you have to turn in tomorrow. You put your headphones in and turn on your music. "Oh well..."

     A few hours later Chace comes in. "Hey, you gonna eat today or....." he trails off as he notices the tears on your face. "Hey, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything." You quickly wipe your face and shake your head, "I'm fine." "No, you aren't. What's wrong?" He keeps on. "Nothing, ok? Just... leave me alone for a bit" you snap. "S-sorry I... Please just go..." you say, more calmly. "Okay, if you need me just holler alright?" "Yea, thanks Chace." He leaves the room, slowly closing the door.

   "He loves you even though you are so mean to him. He's strong, unlike you," the voice chimes in. "Leave me alone!" you yell as you swing your arm around as if you're trying to hit someone. "You know I can't do that," he chuckles. "I know..." you sit there for a moment before returning to writing your paper. 

    It's been a few hours as you finally sit back and sigh in relief. "Finally done," you say with a smile spreading across your face. "And it's only.... 10:45!" You plop your head on your desk and sigh. "Now what to do?" You ask yourself. The voice, who has been silent for hours, chimes in. "You could always feed steel," he chuckles darkly. "No, I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to do that again. I've gone this long, I'm not going to ruin it now," you say sharply. "You've broken every other promise you've ever made, what's different about this one?" "Lots. Leave it at that," you say rudely. You get up and face-plant onto your bed. "Sweet, sweet comfort. Good night world," you say as you fall asleep. "The promise will be broke, I'm sure," the voice whispers before you're completely asleep.