My Observations

A Helping Hand

May 27, 2018

A lot has happened today but I feel like I have opened up more to my brother. Granted we were close to begin with but not as close as I would have liked. I feel like I should explain to you what exactly happened and how I ended up talking with my brother.

So the day was going great and we were all having a fun time. My brother was at work at the time so he missed out on the food that my step-dad had cooked. Anyways, we were all eating hamburgers (which were so good by the way) and then my cat Eleanor, you may know her you may not, started to talk (meow of course, my cat does not talk English). My step-dad started to joke about he wanting to kill her which I did not take as a joke. We then started arguing and it went on for about a good 30-60 minutes. When 8 o'clock rolled around, I was in my room with my step-sister trying to cool down. I had cried earlier and so I was trying to distract myself only to see what the arguing did to my little sister. I think whenever she sees me cry, she starts to cry because then she knows that it's bad. I don't like to cry in front of her not only does it make me look weak but it's because that I'm trying to be tough for her.

So we were in our room talking and then my brother came home. He went outside where the arguing always takes place and asked what was going on. I admit some of the things I said were wrong but I was mad and you start to say things you don't mean when you're mad. Anyways, I was called out there to talk and something you should know about my step-dad is that, he thinks that every thing can be changed in 2 seconds. He kept pestering me with all of these questions expecting an answer when I didn't have one. After some time, my mom and step-dad went to the shed to talk about something. My brother took that time to talk to me about going for a drive that way we could talk somewhere I was comfortable.

I took him up on that offer and we left to drive around and when we reached the park, we stopped and talked for about a hour there. We talked about anything that crossed my mind but always stayed on the original topic. We talked about sexual orientations, therapy, my actual dad, my moms divorce, my friends, my self harm, us as siblings, and what we want to do in the future. I wished that moment would have never ended but I'm glad it did because it helped me take something away from that. I got so much advice from him out of that one moment that it could have made him a professor or a psychologist. We also talked about how when he read some journals that I used to keep and it made me realize how much shit I put him through.

I will forever look on this day and realize how much my brother actually does care for me. As I am writing this, I am thinking about my future, which was a topic that we discussed. He wanted to be a video game designer but he gave up on that dream. My dream was influenced by him to be honest. I want to be a video game designer. I want to make a world where people can create what the want to express themselves or to just escape for a little while. I want to make the world a better place through video games because I believe that if YouTubers play it and others watch them play it; they not only get a message from the game but they also get a message from the person that they are watching.

I guess you can say that my brother means a lot more to me now then he did before. I now have another reason to live because of him. I will live for him. Tonight showed me a lot more about him that I didn't even know. He also told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to, I can go to him. No matter how busy he is or what he is doing. Though he did say that one day he would answer saying, "WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT." and we both started laughing. He also told me that if I ever needed help, to never be afraid to ask.

I didn't mean to go on a little rant there but I just wanted to talk about a topic that me and my brother talked about with you, The Reader. I may not know you but you have helped me through a lot. You may not have known it but you have. My brother has helped me through a lot and I feel like I should do the same to others. So if you ever need help on anything, Do Not Hesitate To Ask Me. Talk to me if you need someone to talk to. Reach out to me if you ever want to catch up or need help with something. I'll help in any way I can. I promise.