Social Anxiety

Pain

Addylin Pov

It kills me how no one understands my pain, no one understands how if feels to have these random attacks penetrating my body making me feel paralyzed in the moment as tears just freeze across my face as I begin to shake praying for all of these attacks to be over. I feel like a time bomb, one day I will just blow up and obliterate the entire existence of the world along with my family, but who says I would not like that, I mean I would be gone, after all no one likes me anymore. Stop Addylin I tell myself, suicidial thoughts are not the best in this moment, people in the world need me like my younger brother named James, he is only two, he is the reason that I am still here today. The kid is much smarter than you'd think. Oh no another flashback

Flashback

I cannot take this anymore, the pain that I have faced from my "friends" they beat me up for something that I cannot control. They all just left my house some running after Piper others running to their boyfriends, but they all just left me to think in my bedroom, am I really worth this world. Who would really care if I just died today? That is right no one, my family yells at me for silly issues, my friends shriek and laugh at my existence, almost anyone who knows me hates me. No one thinks I am worth this world, sure I look "pretty" but is that all worth the hate that I get for my terrible anxiety that takes over my body, the horror that I face just brings laughter to others faces. When I walk around school my footsteps bang the tile floors and I try and show my confidence but I can see and hear the whispers about how idiotic I am to think I am popular and how stupid I am. Piper just whispers in my ear telling me I am worthless, no one cares even if they are my friends they just watch Mackenzie beat up my self-worth and self-esteem. I have given up trying to fight back, for now all of my friends have started to make fun of me, my looks, my laugh, and my actions every tiny deed I do they laugh.

It hurts the most when Piper laughs at me mainly because of the hard past that we have faced together, it hurts to even think that Piper has moved on and changed. She has turned around from the kind and caring friend to this monster looming over my head. I cannot avoid her for the life of me she is like the other half of me, it is like half of my body is dying off. She was my only support after what has happened in my life, now she is just fading away like everyone else just judging me for my looks. I think she is doing it because she is jealous of my looks and my stance in this group, but if she knows me she should know that I am only there for her. Without Piper I would die, wait why do I not just die? It isn't like anyone would care, okay sure lets do this. 

Tears trickle down my face as I reach my very high window, I look down trying not to scream as my hands wrap around the ends of the window. My feet are almost off the window, it is a very far drop onto the ground, but only if I aim correctly. My knuckles start to turn white as I question my decision. Tears really rush down my face and I edge closer to the edge. Just as I am about to jump off to my very unappealing death, James runs through the door. His chubby little legs and arms run towards me as the smile on his very small face disappear. His blue eyes show hurt and confusion as he sees me on the window crying my heart off. He fast walks towards me trying not to fall as he grabs my very thin legs.

He tries with all of his power to pull me off as he is crying and I just turn around and climb my way inside my room. I grab James as I close the window. I am sobbing into his little shoulder as he is doing the same to me, he understands my pain, it is almost as if he can feel my pain. He really loves me, finally all that I have been looking for someone who loves me and it has been right in front of me. My younger brother James who looks up to me, who wants to be like me, I start to smile as I hug him harder as I promise to myself that I will always care for him.

But what if this promise was broken, what if I broke my claim my promise to protect us? Then what?

Okay sorry just a very short update for my readers for I have a lot of work to do, my homework levels are starting to increase like many as the school year edges to an end! I will try to update sooner but I cannot promise anything! I have also been away for different issues that I hope are now solved, no hate towards anyone just spread kindness! Do not forget to comment and vote on this story thank you so much for reading! BYEEEE
~WonderlightDiza

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