..Not sure what you call it. But its that feeling that completely clouds your mind. The one where you go all day with your underwear inside out. The one where you feel like throwing up but can't because you like this nauseousness that has miraculously appeared out of nowhere considering you havent been able to eat all day. Its that same feeling which makes even taking out the garbage joyful because you're here in this world and you know they are here too. Its that feeling that makes you want to scream everytime they call you or see them but can't because that wouldnt be socially accepted. its that chaos that you can bear even though youre the type of person who goes nuts if the vase isnt completely in the center of the table. But you dont want anything to be done. You like the mess which somehow makes sense to you. You listen to a song which talks about it but your feelings cannot be expressed in words, you connect with the song not because of what it says but rather because those feelings have made themselves known in the not so obvious emotion hidden behind the lyrics. I wonder sometimes what direction this feeling will take me and to be honest I dont care where I go or where I end up as long as I can be with them. But it isnt perfect, and it isnt forever, it only exists as long as it is fueled by emotions and sealed by time which has passed. I wonder if I'll ever find it again. ='(
