Happier-alerrie

Chapter 9

-Why did you act the way you did?- she asked before a moment of silence

-What do you mean?-

-Back when we were together, you were so bad to me, why? and don't tell me "I couldn't handle it" because I know there's more. You didn't act that way with you friends, I mean you weren't as nice as you were with them, but with me you were completely different, why was only with me?-

He looked at her and thought for a moment, he knew that if he decided to answer her question they would end up fighting, but he needed to tell her, he didn't want to hold back all that he thought, not anymore so he took a deep breath, sat in the bed and spoke- I needed you, I was devastated, but you weren't there, when I was at my weakest you weren't there. It was like you didn't care, I remember I was in London days before the final, I asked you to come with me, your answer was "Sorry baba, I am going to visit my mom, good luck though". You knew how important that was to me- he whispered, all the painful memories started to come back to him

-I'm sorry but I didn't knew visit my mom was a bad thing- she started to get angry and that was the least he would had wanted. She decided to sit now too.

-Perrie just leave it- he said looking away and trying to calm himself

-No! You don't get to be angry with me and treat me the way you did because I wasn't in a stupid match in which you didn't even played, and Liverpool lost- both of them started to get mad

-Stupid match? That was the most important match in my life, and with more reason, we lost you don't have an idea of how hard was not to be able to do a thing-

-Alex, I was there for you, I called you as soon as the match ended-

-What about that summer?- 

-What about it?-

-First you go to Greece with Ellie, the girl that never left us alone-

-Excuse me, but that girl is my cousin and I won't let you talk about her like that- her voice raised up and she was yelling now, she stood up the bed and so did he 

-That's my point she is your cousin she isn't your bodyguard to be after you ALL THE FUCKIN' TIME-

-That's not true-

-No? most part of the times you came to visit me in Liverpool she came with you, and I get it you didn't wanted to be alone when I went to training but she didn't need to come every single time, if you were alone for 3 hours nothing was going to happen-

She stayed quite thinking about what he said, she realized he was right

-And then you were on tour, how do you think I felt? the time I was supposed to be playing the world cup, my dream since I was a child I spent it alone at home because you decided it will be a good idea to go on holidays with Ellie -

-The tour was part of my job, you can't blame me for that- 

-And I get it, I do but the tour lasted one month, not the three I didn't get to see you except like five times-

-Are you saying is my fault you were a total asshole with me? All the pain you made me go through turns out it was my fault, when I was broken, when I thought life was worthless because you're not there anymore you were probably were enjoying yourself.-

-No! I know I have a lot of responsibility of that, that's why after you left I never stop blaming myself, I knew I had lost the best thing that I ever had, I couldn't sleep because sleeping alone after being able to sleep with you made me felt like the most miserable guy on earth, you don't how many times I wished I could wake up and see you by my side, or just woke up and don't remember anything,  because every stupid little detail that remembered me about you or about us remembered me you weren't there anymore and that made me felt like if life didn't have a purpose anymore, the pictures in my phone of you are still there, you wanna know why? because I was never able to deleted them, there were the only thing I had left about you, and I refused, no.., I refuse to think that you are never coming back, because every time I see you I fall in love all over again. all the anger was tears now, he couldn't stop them from coming out of his eyes, he had no control, sobbing and trying to control himself was all he was doing, and it took all of herself not to run to him and kiss him like she wanted.

-I blamed myself for two years, I still do, but I realized it wasn't just my fault, I need to stop caring all the blame. I know I screw it up, I could had done more for us, but I didn't and that's what I will regret for the rest of my life- he felt anger and sadness at the same time, he was finally letting go all he kept for two years

- The only thing I want you to know is that maybe is time you should start to think about how you treated me, if you did that maybe you can stop playing the victim because I'm sure as hell I am not the only one guilty here- he took some deep breaths.

-I did support you, I was so scare when you stop eating, or when you wouldn't leave the bed in all day I made a lot of things to change that but you didn't let me, you were so close-

-Perrie, that wasn't...- he shut up realizing those words were beyond the line

-What? that wasn't good enough? Well I guess I never was, I'm not and I will never be good enough for you anyway right?-

-I'm sorry- without saying more he left the room. 

She was desperate and didn't know what to do. His words came to her mind all over again, the memories of the past two years, the memories of when she was with him, and the memories of the last week. She went out to the balcony and despite of the dark of the night she was able to saw him standing in front of the sea a girl came closer to him and started talking to him, she immediately felt jealous, but he quickly moved away from the girl. That's when she decided to go with him.

-Can we at least end up this week the way it was supposed to end please?- she put her arms around his waist and rest her head in his back, after a few seconds he turned around and she saw his eyes red and full of tears. He was about to said something but he couldn't, all he did was buried his head in her neck and cried again. 

-I'm so sorry love- she said crying with him. 

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Here it is... please don't hate me 

What do you think it will happen next?