I met a girl. We've been spending quite a bit of time together lately, but don't get the wrong idea. We met quite a while ago and she probably knows me better than anyone else I know. We met back in elementary school, I'd say around kindergarten. She was always around from then on. You could say that she's had a very big impact on my life over the years.
I'd spent a lot of time with her before, but not like this. I had always been the person no one liked. Always alone and always hoping to find someone who'd actually like spending time with me. There was one. That someone was her. There had been those that came and went, but she had always been there.
This is roughly how my kindergarten year went. Well, as best as I can remember, seeing as though it's been quite a while since I've been in kindergarten. I had a great kindergarten teacher. She was nice and taught me a lot even if I'm not sure what, I know she did. We had lots of fun, for the most part. I got in trouble for talking a lot and I would learn that would happen to me fairly often. Eventually, there was this girl. She was a little shorter than me. She had blue eyes, orange-ish-red hair, and pale skin. I decided that I really liked her so that Valentine's Day I gave her a valentine I made the night before with my Spiderman paper, my magic markers, some heart shaped candies, and a little help from my mom. I brought it to her classroom and gave it to her myself. She never talked to me the whole rest of my kindergarten year. I don't think she remembers, but I do. Shortly after, I met her. That's when we started hanging out and from then on she was always there, with me.
We're going to fast-forward a few years to about the fifth grade. I talked during class and got detention a few times for it in the years leading up to the fifth grade and that year wasn't any different. I was very talkative but not many people liked talking to me. I eventually had a few 'friends' or people that tolerated me. I mostly talked to them and tried to talk to others as well. I figured out that i really liked this other girl. She was shorter than me, brownish-red hair, green eyes, semi-pale skin (so maybe a slight tan you could say), and a great smile. She talked to me once but I got nervous, averted my eyes, and tried not to say anything stupid. So, in other words, I said one thing and kept quiet. The only real way to not say anything stupid. After that I saw her in the hallways more often but neither of us said anything. This other girl eventually found out I liked her so, she offered to ask her to be mine for me. A little note: in case you didn't know, I'm trying to stay away from the phrase 'ask out'. It just doesn't sound like it would lead to an actual relationship. And I know what you're thinking. "You're in fifth grade! There's no way you could have an actual relationship in fifth grade." Well, I was hoping that maybe I could. Maybe to keep it going until something could actually come of it. But unfortunately she turned me down. I was okay with it, I guess. Then, somehow, all of the fifth grade class found out I asked her to be mine and they asked her 'for me', without my consent, over and over. She got annoyed because she thought I was just going to keep asking until she said yes and she yelled at me. That wasn't the case though. Shortly after that, I realized she was still with me. She was still following me wherever I went. This was when I realized that she was the only one I knew would be there with me. The girl I liked didn't talk to me until the last day of the year when we had a day where all the kids got to play games and have fun outside before summer. The kids she was helping around came to my game that i was helping with and wanted to play. Then, and only then, did she talk to me. It was awkward, but she did talk to me. She didn't seem irritated or anything so I guess you could say it went okay.
Seventh grade year eventually came around and I had moved to a different school district. For some reason I was tolerated more here than there but I wasn't about to complain. I found a few people that enjoyed having me around, kind of. But I still felt...left out. Like I didn't fit in. The very first day I saw this girl, I instantly had a crush on her. She was shorter than me with brownish-red hair, blue-green eyes, and the prettiest smile I'd ever seen. I made her laugh and successfully put a smile on her face a few times over my seventh and eighth grade years, but she didn't notice how much I liked her. I also never got around to telling her that I had a crush on her. Another thing happened in seventh grade that I would consider a major thing in my life: this girl who would play a major role in my life introduced me to this girl that I thought was so amazing that she would be the most important girl in my life for quite a while. She was shorter than me, she had sky-blue eyes, the most beautiful strawberry blonde hair you'd ever see, a gorgeous smile, pale and slighly sun-reddened skin, and even though she was an eighth grader and I was an eighth grader, she was only a few months older than me. I had managed to get her phone number and make her smile, all within an hour (don't ask me how, I still can't believe it). I didn't see her for another year after that.
Skip to freshman year of high school and you'll find me getting my heart shattered by a girl that I didn't know would mean so much to me later on. I met this girl who was almost as tall as I was at this point, She had long brownish-red hair, probably more on the brown side of the spectrum. She had greenish-blue eyes, and tan skin. She started talking to me around the middle of freshman year and eventually convinced me I liked her. I, later, asked her to be mine and she accepted. It was a good first relationship, or so I had thought. We were together for about three months and she broke it off with me. I felt something I hadn't felt in a really long time. She was still there with me even after all these years and the school district change. I realized that I cared for the girl who smashed my heart more than I'd like to admit at this point, but it's part of the story and there's not a whole lot to say on the subject except that that experience where I thought someone actually cared for me was all a lie and this still haunts me. The rest of my freshman year wasn't much better, except for the few times I got to see the orange-haired girl I hadn't seen since seventh grade.
Now we're at my sophomore year. Do you remember that girl I said would play a huge role in my life? Well, here she is. She is on the shorter side with long, very dark brown hair, brown eyes, and for the most part, tanned skin. She's probably the nicest person I've ever met and I care for her so much after everything she helped me through. I don't think I could ever put into words how much I appreciate her. She helps with my enormous crush on the orange-haired girl. She helped me sit at her table, gave some personal advice, and even helped me with how i should express myself to her. It didn't work out. The orange-haired girl found out I really liked her and immediately rejected me. Some people would say that I did the stuff I did so that she would be more inclined to be with me. That, however, is not the case. I did the things I did so I could do something that would make her smile. Something that would make her...happy. That's all I really wanted to do was be someone that when she saw me, she smiled. Someone that made her happy. But I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. And now I had lost the little chance I had with the girl I cared for the most. I had no way to plead my case, no way to tell her how I felt, and no way to tell her I was sorry. But she was still there. Watching intently and concerned.
All that I have told you, up to this point, is where I am currently: sad, broken-hearted, and writing this story. But I'm not alone. She, who had always been there with me, was still here. Little did I know that I'd be spending more time with her, back at square one feeling worse about myself than before. Have you guessed who she is yet? No? her name, is Loneliness.
