The Virtue Of Silence

Stay Quiet...

So after the whole hooligan in the hallway fiasco and having Lukas in that close proximety to me, I was only a little shaken up. Ahh, who the hell am I kidding? I was a fricken mess, is what I was. I was damn near to falling over since my knees somehow lost all muscle and were on the brink of failing on me, my head might as well have been someone's old knittiing basket, full of tangled hub bub in a little tiny box or something and I was fighting for AutoPilot to channel its way through my body.

I sighed then let out a snort that sounded like a chuff. Why the hell was I getting this flustered about this guy that did nothing to me but save my ass multiple times? I mean, he only saved me from the people that want to hurt me at school.

And is in the midst of saving you from yourself.

I sighed again, the little voice in my head that invades my thoughts at all times couldn't help but be right. I knew that I had these feelings that I hated and that thought was tied to those thoughts, which I was in a conflict within myself to hate or to let live.

I knew that I hated myself for what happened all those years ago, and yes I have thought of ending this fragile life that I "hold", but I something inside of me, kept screaming at me not to. That I have a worth in living yet. I never thought that those little voices in my head have the fraction of a sliver to be right. Lukas was showing me a light that I haven't seen before, not even before the accident and I was happy. This feeling is more subtle. I am having a hard time deciphering what it is.

Contentment.

I have heard of that word before. I knew that it meant to be comfortable, happy, and relaxed all at the same time. In a nutshell, at least. Is that what this feeling is?

Not yet. Soon.

I was in the middle of these thoughts that were invading my conscience and Autopilot was on when i rammed my figure into something.

I hissed at the shock of how fast I was brought out of my thoughts and rubbing my nose when the wall moved from beneath the slits of my eyes from the impact. Wait, what?

I looked up from my eye lashes to see that it was Ted. I gasped, Ted?

"Kelsy?, jeez, I'm so sorry. I was daydreaming and I didn't see you," he says in a hurried breath.

I nodded my head, turning away from him while checking to see if I got a bloody nose from that. I didn't. I let out a sigh of relief when my fingers came clean from lightly touching my nostrils.

I waved him away when he started to fuss on me, wondering if I was hurt anywhere. When I took a step back from him whenhe tried to touch my face, he pulled his hand back, muttering an apology in the process. Jeez, can I not get a break from guilt tripping from other people?

I look down, when I heard rustling from Ted. Looking up, I saw that he was rummaging through his bag and pulled out a notebook and handed to me.

I cocked my head to the side slightly and looked from Ted to the notebook and back to Ted again.

He was blushing when he answered. "well, I see you talking to that other kid with a notebook all the time, so I thought that I would have a designated notebook for the two of us when we talk," he says. He looked away. If you didn't see the whole conversation play out, you'd think that that he was really focused on trying to make a garbage can levitate.

I touched his hand that was holding the notebook while relieving it of Ted's grasp, taking out a pen from my messanger bag and opening the new notebook to the first fresh page. I wrote down, you're too sweet sometimes, but thank you.

I gave Ted the notebook with a nudge and as he came back to reality and took it, I waited patiently, gazing down to the ground and turning my line of sight to Ted once in a while as he read the sentence in relative interest.

He smiled when he was done reading it and looked at me, a newfound blush painting his cheek bones and across his nose.

"Well, thanks I guess," is all he says before looking at the garbage can again, I guess you could call it thinking about what to say to me next now that I can talk without using gestures and what sign language that I remember off the internet.

To be honest, I was thinking of what to "say" as well, the awkward moment dwelling on the both of us like a drizzling rain cloud.

I was the one to do something about it. I took the notebook again and wrote down that I had to go soon. When i gave the book back to him, I ran off with a wave behind me.

I couldn't stand that awkwardness. Why was is it so awkward anyway? I didn't do anything, he didn't really do anything. I couldn't grip my head around the fact of how awkward that moment was and I was one of the reasons as to why it was.

Maybe that's what it was. We did nothing.

I was at "home" in about thirty minutes after the whole awkward moment with Ted in the hallway at school. Maybe I'll admit that I ran most of the way.

I was on the rooftop, trying to get away from the twins and Gwen when I heard my phone go off. It was a text message. I gave the device a strange look and unlocked the screen, to see that it was a message from someone that I didn't know. It read,

You make it back alright, Kels?

Who the crap was this person? Someone that I knew?

Right when I was about to just shrug it off and just leave the message alone, my phone went off yet again, this time I went to look at it right away. This one read,

Sorry if I gave you a bit of a spook with this number. It's Lukas.

Ahh, so that's who it was. Figured, only he was allowed to call me that nickname and even I hardly let him call me that.

I decided that if it was someone that I knew, then I guess I should pay him some mind. Soemthing that I wasn't quite used to.

Is it sad that it took me about a minute to find out how to get the type bar on the bottem to show up? Then another three minutes to get a message of four letters.

Figured out that much.

 I let out a frustrated sigh. I really need help on this kind of stuff. i can barely type out a message and not screw up. How depressing.

I waited for about three minutes. I stared at the phone in my hand, wondering if he'll text back. I waited on that rooftop for a good three minutes. I wasn't exactly hoping like some kind of love sick school girl that he would text back.

Three minutes, and a text back. A text from him, I didn't know, the screen was black. But twhen the text arrived and the phone was able to read it, the screen lit up, the unknown number once again flashing up on the screen with a vibration to go with it. the text read,

Good job Kels

What do I say to that? I mean, I'm not a sarcastic person.

Used to be.

No, that's the thing. I used to be and now I am not.

After that day...

I refuse to even think about it right now.

I refuse to say something.

I vowed to stay quiet about it.

AN

Hello readers. Please, if you have a gun, do not shoot me with it. I appreciate that none of you complain to me about my very very slow updates but still, I feel the need to say that. I now have more and more shit on my plate and from what i figure, its only going to throw more piss in the shit pot, but thats my problem and not yours. So anyway, I thank you readers for your patience and heres a shitty update. Hope you enjoyed.