IN LOVE WITH MY BROTHER

THE FIGHT

One Friday night I stayed up longer than usual, and around 11:00 I heard the door slam open and loud voices. I got up to go greet Anikin and welcome him home. When I got to the hall it was silent and as I turned the corner I saw Anikin pressed up against the wall, in a deep kiss with another guy. Anikin must have felt my presence, because he opened his eyes and met my shocked gaze. He pushed the guy away and looked up at him with an apologizing smile.

“Time for you to go home Jack,” he said with a low chuckle and the guy left without a word. Anikin started to take of his shoes without looking at me.

“Are you gay?” I almost yelled at him in anger.

“Hmm… Jealous?” He slid off his jacket, hung it up and came towards me.

“You didn’t think I had the right to know since you asked me to live here?”

“Why… who you sleep with is none of my business, so why should whom I sleep with be yours?”

“You’re such an idiot. Don’t come near me. Disgusting!” With that I turned around and closed myself inside my room.

In the week following, Anikin did as I had demanded of him, he stayed away from me, he still made me breakfast and drove me too and from school but without many words.

The next Thursday I felt terrible childish. I’d done a lot of thinking on the whole issue of Anikin being gay, who was I to judge about right or wrong?

I didn’t dislike Anikin because of the fact that he was gay, okay the thought of him brining men into the house to have sex with was kinda disturbing, but then, how would I have felt if I’d caught him with a woman?

Feeling terribly lonely and embarrassed I went to see Anikin in his office. I’d come to the decision that Anikin was right; his love life was none of my business. I knocked the door and waited.

“Yes?” The answer was low and cold. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

“Dominic. Talking again?” He turned the chair and leaned, back giving me one of his charming looks, making me blush.

“I came here to apologize, so please don’t make fun of me.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” With that he turned back to his work and I silently left the room.

The following days were awkward. We’d already made up, but it was hard to go back to the way things were before the fight.

My mind was exploding with questions, why did he like guys? Did he only like guys? Had he always been like that? Where did I fit in? I mean, it’s not like I… Uhm, well what would it be like if he got a serious relationship? Would I be in the way? It would probably be really weird living together if that was the case. But how was I supposed to talk to him about it.

On a Friday evening my pray was to be heard, the awkwardness had come to an end.

I came home from school and found Anikin in a very odd situation. I walked through the front door and called to announce that I was home; I didn’t get an answer, which was odd since I knew Anikin was home, as it was his day off.

When I entered the living area I froze dead in the doorway. The sight in front of me was so alien to me that I had no idea how to react.

Anikin wore a pair of jeans, cut off just above the knee; he was shirtless, wearing a full apron, saying “world’s sexiest chef”. He had earplugs in his ears, the music obvious too loud for him to have heard my calling earlier. Since he held a mop in one hand, using it as a microphone as he was singing along, I guessed he was cleaning but had clearly been distracted. His long Mohawk had been gathered in a messy bund, high, on the back of his head.

Suddenly Anikin froze. He slowly turned his head and met my gaze. The shocked expression on his face sent me over the edge and I broke out in a hysterical laugher.

“Dominic, you’re home…” His baffled tone made it even funnier and tears started to roll down my cheeks. I cast a glance up and he was silently watching me, his whole composure was so lost and he was flustered with embarrassment. Then I realized; I had finally caught Anikin off guard. Normally he was so composed and always knew what to say, but this time around, he had nothing. My laughter started to die out. Still with a grin on my face I straightened.

“Why are you cleaning?” It was only now I actually found it odd that he was doing that. It was my job to do the housework, since I was freeloading.

“Um… well… you see… I um…” He was stumbling on the words as if he couldn’t quite figure out how to explain.

“I… felt bad… about the incident of how you figured out that I’m gay, and the whole atmosphere has been so odd for the last few days. So I figured I might give you a day off today and we could enjoy the evening together… I bought a new movie and… stuff” He didn’t look me in the eyes as he spoke, while rubbing his neck, flustered about the situation.

“Heh… sounds nice… but what am I supposed to do at home when you already did everything? I’m sure that you have a lot of stuff that you would rather do on your day off, so it’s fine to leave this stuff to me, and just stick to what you usually do. You know, cooking and stuff… but movies sounds great” I gently explained this to him, it wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate that he was helping me out, but it kinda made me feel uncomfortable, after all I wasn’t the kind of person to do a lot of stuff at home to have fun, so if I didn’t have my chores I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

“Oh…” I don’t know why, but seeing his disappointed face I felt so bad, I immediately knew that he’d hoped for a praise or gratitude instead of a lecture.

“I’m sorry Anikin… I didn’t… Thank you, it was really kind of you, I’m happy” I hurriedly said.

“No, it’s okay, I should’ve realized this. I’m sorry” The whole atmosphere had changed in less than a moment and I had no idea how to fix it.

“You know… I still have to go shop for groceries, wanna come with?” Anikin asked without looking at me. I smiled and took a step closer taking the mop out of his hand.

“I’d love to; can I decide what we’re having for dinner?” Anikin met my gaze and returned my smile.

“Sure.” He turned around and started to untie the apron.

“Go change your clothes so we can get going” he went to the kitchen and hung the apron on a rack.

***

Once in the car I was very silent, thinking about what I’d like to eat for dinner.

“Uh… I know, I want hotpot” I suddenly announced.

“Hotpot? But we’re in the middle of summer” Anikin said with wonder.

“I don’t care, I want hotpot, with meat…and pancakes with ice cream for dessert”

“Okay, hotpot and pancakes it is.”