Your first love is not supposed to be a normal life long relation. I mean it's different if one has their first love turned into their "forever" partner, but the essence is somewhat atypical.
You like a guy of 19. Why? He's the tallest and bravest guy in the area. He beats up boys and saves the weak. His eyes twinkle with a blazing intensity. You like him cuz he's the best, from every sphere one can think of. He likes you back, lucky for you,eh? Anyway, you two have the legendary love affair of the town, also the best days of your life.
You get separated though.
You grow up, you're independent now, you haven't quite liked anyone since then; at least not with that passion. Not because you couldn't move on,b but, simply because you're too torn worn out to invest in building up a relationship. You don't recall 'him'every now and then but a smile springs up on your face every time you see petunias. You hated these 'sickly' flowers but not since they became 'his' first gift to you.
Soon you notice a man in your walk of life who cherishes you. You like him, he's responsible, good to your parents and chivalrous. You don't feel the tingle every time he calls your name or an insane urge to raise a storm. You are mature now, you like him for he's nice, hence you marry him.
Years follow and one day the string of your habit of existence breaks. Your husband dies, of old age of course. He has been nice, until the end. Giving you the space for your thoughts and actions, not for once suffocating. Your children are lovely, for some reason, they seem to love their father more. Maybe that's why they call less often nowadays. But you find it okay, less responsible, less burdened.
Now, after decades of passive existence, of someone's mother, someone's wife, you're alone to think only of you. You wonder where 'he' is. A sudden girly ambition overpowers you; you set out to find your first love after reaching the autumn of your life.
