Dear No One

Chapter 6

Back in his bedroom, Yoongi was lying on his bed, his hand in the air, closing and opening it. He squeezes and curl it's fingers one by one.

'If Hoseokism isn't related to - - -'  Yoongi omitted the last phrase of jungkook's articulated teasing during lunch break.

He shift to his right side then slowly curl into a ball, bringing his knees on his chest and wrapping his arms around it, as if it's his way of defense mechanism, protecting himself from  'something' that might hurt him.

Yoongi doesn't know, Yoongi doesn't wanna explore that unknown feeling. It's an unbeknownst field for him.

He let go a deep sigh that he had been holding.

He shifted again, then he sitted, he leaned on the headboard of his bed while clutching on his kumamon bolster. Hugging it with his arms and legs wrapped on it in a tangled mess.

"Geez, I think it will be a long night." He groaned, deep voice lace with underlying tiredness. This is one of those nights where Yoongi's mind is filled with ideas, swarming every nook and crannies of his brain, over flowing with his lyrical poetry. His 'Suga' persona is on the roll tonight.

He shuffles on his bed a bit then reach on his night stand.
He pick up a pen and a tickler, and starts scribbling some lyrics that's flashing in his head.

He had written some but he scratched it, He doesn't feel right with those phrases of love. Then repeat the process of write and erase. Suga might be Yoongi's softest side, but that doesn't mean that he's into love like some normal people who'd gone crazy over it. In fact, he's not. Afterall, no matter how you flip the side of the coin, Suga is still Yoongi, a flip side of a dollar coin isn't a ten thousand won.

Some of the crumpled piece of papers are on his bedroom floor, so he decided to stop for a moment, he took a deep breathe while tilting his head. As he closes his eyes he remembered how Hoseok's hand feels. Those small gestures and the small squeeze the ball of sunshine had given him.

He crack his eyes wide open and start writing.

**So take my hand right now
I can’t believe myself
Words I said thousands of times only to myself
Don’t leave me
You got the best of me
You got the best of me
Whether this is a dream or reality, it’s not important
Just the fact that you’re by my side
Thanks**

Yoongi delve on the lyrics, he trace his thumb on it as if he is trying to search something on the words he wrote. As if those lyrics could answer his underlying doubt and unknown feeling he have inside his chest. Finding no answer he turn the page and write another verse.
He didn't close his eyes this time, he stare on his bedroom wall, his monochromatic colored room matching his monochromatic life. With a little bit of sprinklers of cerulean blue that's either his curtain, the baseboard of his walls, the frame of his windows just like how his friends come into his life putting colors in his everyday life. He smiles with the thought, then his gaze was caught by the evanescent moonlight, the four squares shaped on his wooden floor casted with a passing cloud.

'moon rays are from sun rays'

Yoongi titled his head, where did he get that from? Was it science or was it from one of the books he found at the mini library of his Dad's workroom.

He found himself reminiscing those childhood days, where he'd rather spent his whole days in that mini library reading whatever he 'love'. The use of word had put a grimacing expression on his pale face. He let out a sigh as he gripped his tickler and pen.

He wondered where did his innocence go? He wondered what had gone wrong? Where was the boy who love to smile and full of fantasy about fairytales, superheroes and love in every pure thing in the world could offer that he can find in those books he had read before. But then again, he knew why, he knew how. Yoongi is a clever wise man, he's not stupid to embrace the same thing that those obtuse people are embracing even if their life become miserable, just because of that thing called love.
He bit his lowerlip bitterly.