Hush

Chapter two

A knock on the door, shattering beloved silence, impatiences fallows on the other side of the wooden barrier, and three more knocks fallow.

I turned to my other side facing the wall, why should I answer, why should I care?

"Levi! Are you in there?"

What a stupid question, where else would I be.

Dad knocked again. 

I  threw the covers off and swung my legs of the bed, onto the floor surrendering to repetitive noise. I allowed the door to gape open slightly, enough to peer through. It wasn't, dad, it was my brother, Mark. Dad must have sent him though. He rubbed his eyes sleepily,

"So are you gonna talk or what?" 

Really? That was his best  attempt? I had talked to him before, it wasn't worth it, don't know why I expected more from a gawking, six foot, teenage box of stupid.  I pushed the door shut again, Mark stopped it halfway pushing back.

"Wait man, you cant stay in there forever, you like wasting your life or whatever."

I shoved the door harder, he pushed back this time with all his strength. Where did he get the sudden motivation? Dad must have promised him candy.  I stumbled back a few steps and he attempted to charge in. I slammed back into it determined to keep him out. with a final heave he won sending me sprawling onto the floor.

"Sorry man" he stepped in uninvited, I scowled. 

 He looked down and studied me for a moment

"Wow, you look awful".

As if he looked any better, in his finding Nemo boxers and his dark hair sticking up  in all directions. I got to my feet.

"Anyway" he yawned.

"Get ready for school" I shoved him to the side so I could get through the doorway, away from him and his gym sock scented cologne.

I hurried to the bathroom where no one would bother me flicked on the light and checked the shower brushing aside the curtain to make sure it wasn't in there, no, I'm not paranoid, my precautions are completely necessary. I glanced over to the bathroom mirror a crazed looking teenager stared back. 

His name was Levi, but I like to call him me, myself or I.

Mark was right, I did look awful. With my dark brown eyes sunken in, and bloodshot with stringy black hair hanging over my gaunt hallow face. Not particularly attractive, I probably gave Sophia nightmares. Not as bad as my tortured dreams, but still.

A knock came on the door, why couldn't they leave me alone? it was Mark again,

"Hey, Levi!" he shouted as if I couldn't hear him.

"The cats stuck again!" I sighed, the cat had a name, its name was Crayola. Don't ask me why, Dad named her that, after a box of crayons I guess. He found her in the alley, a week ago. Knowing Dad he probably couldn't resist her big amber eyes begging him  to take her home. She wasn't even a cat, she was a kitten a little ball of fur, needle claws and a squeaky voice.

I opened the door and fallowed Mark up stairs, to his room. Crayola wasn't realy stuck, she was just scared to death, cowering beneath his bed, among the pop cans and discarded Twinkie wrappers.

Mom had said we couldn't keep her and then of course Sophia had gotten hysterical. The first night and she was already attached to the kitten, I hadn't realy cared at the time. But through begging and pleading from Dad and Sophia, she finally said okay.

The cat wasn't realy tame, she bit and scratched and hid  where ever she could fit. She was fast to, no one could catch her when she decided to run. We had her locked in a cage most of the time, from which she escaped often. It wasn't that she was a bad cat, she just didn't like to be, touched or surprised or cornered or attacked with vacuums. I was the only one who could get her out when she was hiding, maybe the others could to, if they weren't so loud and obnoxious.

I reached under the bed with an upturned palm brushing her fur with my fingers, and coaxing her out slowly. Mark folded his arms

"All I did was try to feed her, and she went berserk on me." 

Crayola reminded me of my self, not that I was a fluffy and cute, just because of the way she was, scared, and misunderstood. Once she had calmed down it was easy to pick her up, she purred softly and licked my fingers. Then looked up as if to say

                "Wheres my breakfast you jerk?"

Mark left for school with Dad, so did Sophia with her hair bundled up in Dads sad attempt at a pony tail. I filled the cats bowl and left it at the foot of my bed and closed the door so she wouldn't run out. Thankful that they had given up on the idea of me coming with them. 

I picked up my journal of the floor, the one I never wrote in, and started a letter to Karen. 

Dear Karen,

I miss you a lot, but you probably already know that though.  We moved to Massachusetts by the way, Mom couldn't stand to be in the neighborhood, the city, not even the same state after what happened. so here I am. I guess.

      I haven't been out side yet, honestly I don't plan to go. You told me not to be scared, I'm sorry, but I am I wish I was dead, like you, with you up, where ever you are, it isn't really fair for me to be here while you and Bryan are up there. I would switch places with you if I could, suicide is not for cowards, like me, I should have fought harder, to keep you both alive, I should have done something more. I know I didn't really stand a chance, but at least I could have tried. this is all my fault, I'm sorry. - Levi

I folded the paper and addressed it to heaven before dropping it behind my bed, where all my unsent letters go.