Changé

Prologue

I still remember the first time I saw a girl dance en pointe. I was 5 and my mother was suffering from post-divorce guilt and so anything I asked for, I received. The words "I want to be a pretty ballerina" had barely escaped my mouth and my mother was already calling local dance studios to sign me up for ballet classes. It was in the waiting room of one of these studios that I saw her dance. She was graceful and elegant; a bird twirling endlessing around the room. She dipped and soared into the air. It seemed as if she could go on forever. It was in that moment that I knew that I wanted to be dancer. They say that ballerina's are insane for putting all their body weight on two toes, and maybe we are, but when you love something as much I love dancing, it doesn't matter how painful something is as long as you can have it.

Age 5 - "Mommy, I want to be like her." I saw someone dance en pointe for the first time. I want to be a dancer. Ms. Meg says that ballet is hard and that pointe is even harder. But that's ok. I really want to be a dancer

Age 10 - "Why don't you just go dance by yourself like you always do?" All the kids in my class go to each other's houses after school. I go to the dance studio. It hurts, I want them to like me but I know that this the kind of commitment I made when I started dancing.

Age 12 - "Dance is a passion, an addiction, a lifestyle, a discipline, an art. It is not a hobby." I got my first pair of pointe shoes today! Ms. Meg says that if I keep working hard I might even be able to audition for a national company.

Age 16 - "Congratulations, you made it." I auditioned for an apprenticeship with the American Ballet Theatre and I got it! I am professional dancer! This is it! My dream came true!

Age 20 - "I'm sorry, but you tore the meniscus and the anterior cruciate ligament of your right knee." I keep repeating the words in my head. The doctor doesn't know if I will be able to dance again. I'm scared.

Age 22 - "You are too much of a liability" After too many unsuccessful surgeries and eventual re-tears, I was released from the company today. I am lost and confused. I don't know what to do. The pain in my knee is insignificant to the pain in my heart.