Remembering Summer

Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

(TYLERS POV)

We sit on my bed for a little while longer, not really talking at all. Maybe this was a bad idea. We haven't been "dating" for more than 5 minutes and already we've hit an awkward patch. So I decide to do the only thing I can think of: kiss her.

I lean in fast and she's a bit surprised. Just as I close my eyes I see hers widen. I'm expecting her to start to kiss me back, but instead she shoves me off of her.

"What the hell?!" She screams. I look at her, confused. Maybe she had a different description of the word "girlfriend" and what they do. Like kiss.

"What do you mean what the hell? You just sort of agreed to be my girlfriend!"

"And I also just told you that the only other boyfriend I've ever had raped me, so your best move is to spring out of nowhere and start pushing me down on to a bed?!" The thought hadn't occurred in my mind before, but why on Earth would I do that to her? I'm not him, I'm never going to be him. And she needs to know that now. I'm pissed off until I see her hands. They're shaking and clutching my comforter. She's still terrified of this guy. Every instinct in her is to force anyone away that tries to get close because when she let someone in, he hurt her.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Just...come here please?" I pull her into my lap with her back pressed to me chest, my arms find themselves around her. This feels like the most natural thing in the world, and I feel completely whole in this moment. Like the minute she steps into my arms, something clicks. And she's that final little piece of me that I lost three years ago. She's not Emily, and I don't need that piece anymore. Instead, I need Summer.

"I'm sorry I freaked out," she mumbles, "I just...when that happened the first thing that flashed through my head was when he did it. I'm never going to be able to shake that, never. And I'm sorry for being so fucked up." I lay my forehead to the back of her head, and her hair tickles my face.

"You've put up with my demons, I'll save you from yours." She sits up a but and turns to face me. As soon as she's settled, I lay my forehead against hers. This is much better than the awkward silence. This silence is peaceful and I don't want it to end.

Summer keeps herself busy by tracing little patterns on my arms. I just look at her. If it was up to me, I would never stop looking at her. She's beautiful in ways that I can't even see, but I promise myself I will someday.

"This reminds me of a line from a book I read. I always thought it was a nice line for the story but just...that it was never realistic. I understand it now." I smile as I watch every part of her. Her lips forming the words, her voice carrying around the room, her eyebrows as they pinch together in thought. This is the deepest part of Summer I've ever seen. And it gets do much to watch because underneath the banter and the rude remarks and the cursing, she's scared as hell. She's just a little girl that had her innocence stolen from her and she hadn't wanted to give it up.

"And what line was that?" I ask. She smiles as she recites the line.

"I fell in love with him the way you fall asleep, slowly...then all at once." Shit, I think. Those last four words hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this love? Could it be? That's when I realize, yes it is.

I've been trapped for so long in self pity and loneliness and longing that I can't tell what I'm feeling in the moment. I was so caught up in what happened three years ago that I didn't even notice I was falling in love with Summer. A big part of me wishes I had noticed and felt the fall again. It's been so long since I've fallen and I would've loved the feel it again. But I can't go back, not anymore.

Because she's not in the past. She's right here in front of me and I can't let her slip away and only realize a year later that I should've held on tighter. I'm done with that. I want now. I want every piece of right now, of the moment I'm living. I will drink every drop and morsel of my time with her. Time is short and sweet and unforgiving. And time and people change, but these moments won't.

I won't need Summer forever. I won't need her like a Band-Aid for the rest of my life. But I want her for forever. I want her, as greedy as that is. But after everything that's been taken from me, I'm allowed to be greedy. So I am. So I'm greedy and selfish and I kiss her. And I kiss her harder when she kisses me back. I enjoy every piece of this moment. And I will forever.

(SUMMERS POV)

One word. Four letters. It works as a noun or a verb or both if it's right. Love. And I had just said that word to him. The thing that not even Jake could've taken from me. And here I was, giving it away. No. I wasn't giving it away. Tyler had taken it, I'd just been too stubborn to realize it. I hadn't let anyone in for such a long time and I was so scared to do it again that I didn't realize everything that's going on around me. If been so taken with the past that I couldn't fully enjoy the present.

But I don't want that anymore. I want him, every piece of him. This was happening fast but not a single part of me wants it any other way. I wantgo be swept off my feet with a rush of emotions that make me feel good inside. I want happiness and love and peace and calm and he is all of that.

I will keep parts of myself to me, I always will. Things like this don't last forever, but that's ok. I won't need to have him with me, by my side to fight off my demons. He'll teach me to do that myself. And that's the best part of this. He won't ask for me to be anything other than myself, and that's beautiful and lovely by itself. Adding the fact of that four letter word just makes this better.

Forever is a very long time, but I don't expect forever. When it comes to him, I just want now. I want him and now and this moment and every other moment with him. And that's good enough.

A/N:

Hey guys! I know this chapter is sorta short and cliche and sappy, but I happen to like romantic pieces in books. So if you don't, I'm sorry and it won't be too bad. There will be sappy parts but I swear this book is NOT a cliche. The ending has already been planned and I already know there will be an epilogue. Please don't forge to leave a vote/comment/add! Feedback is encouraged and appreciated. Thank you guys so much, ily