Talent

feelings

Pov Dipper

It's the weekend everything started to come up for me. Me and Alex have made up officially. We're now really good friends, but he still kind of likes me. I'm alright with that as long as he doesn't do what he did that day.

During the weekend I usually wake up late, but today I woke up early. Students are allowed to leave during the weekend and after school. People don't really leave after school they just go back to their rooms and do whatever.

I'm walking outside just for a bit. I've been feeling a little anxious, nervous, just butterflies in my stomach every day. I don't like that feeling, it gets annoying because it's happening so often.

It's actually really early in the morning the stars are actually still out. Well... The sun is about to come up so their about to be gone.

A few days ago, after the whole Alex thing Mabel told me something. She asked me why I was so scared about opening up...

I-I really don't know why, I-I just don't know. I feel like if I open up... If I open up to someone, I'll lose them or even worse... Get hurt.

I've meant some amazing people, there just perfect to me. All of them are.

Star she's just a mini Mabel so sweet and innocent, Lady Widow she's the motherly type so caring and loving, Pyroncia another version of Mabel full of life and jumpy, Andrew he's jumpy but stubborn, Eight-ball is lazy and fun, Keyhole is fun and hot-headed, Paci-fire is hard working and lazy at the same time, Will is so over protective and shy at times...

Then theirs Bill he's sweet, loving, foolish, kind, caring, stubborn, flirtaous, protective and cute... I mean ....uh...

Forget that last part!

Please?

It's just that he really cares about me and that's what I love about him. He looks like and acts like he doesn't care, but he really does.

I'm sitting down on the hill looking at the sky. I'm wondering about so many things now.

"Everything is just confusing ...I'm just too scared to open up." I said to myself.
"I-I just wish I can be confident enough." I said to myself.

The only time I'm ever confident is when I'm not sober. I'm a whole different me when I'm drunk. I'm not social awkward, I don't stutter, I don't care what others think, I become cool, fun, funny, kind of a idiot and so much confidence in that Dipper.

The time that I will ever be like that is when I'm drunk. I wish I can be all those things right now.

"Sober or not sober...." I said.

I look at the sky and the sun is coming up. I took a deep breath in and out, I looked at my feet and made a dull smile.

"Maybe I should just confess my feelings to the demon... Maybe it would hurt less now than later." I said.
"I-I guess I could try... I really haven't liked someone for a while now." I said.
"Why is it so difficult now? The last time I liked someone I just went up to them and confessed... Why is it so different now?"
"When I was younger yes I was still shy but I got things done. I would still speak my mind but then have seconds thoughts about what I said."
"Can't even trust myself about my own god damn emotions..."

I grabbed a rock from the ground and threw it somewhere. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them.

"Why does things like this have to be confusing." I asked myself.
"It's something that we all feel, why is it so hard to understand these kind of things." I said.

I heard a distance bark and it was Night. I placed my knees down and he jumps on my lap.

"Bark!"
"I couldn't sleep that much night, so I came out here to watch the sunset." I smiled.
"Bark Bark!"
"Well... I did come here to do some thinking as well." I said.
"Bark bark bark?"
"It's just random things Night, nothing to worry about." I said.
"bark?"
"No, i'm not going threw anything at the moment." I said.
"Bark?"
"I'm not upset about anything Night, it's just random thoughts that I can't explain." I said.
"Bark?"
"Night for me it's hard to explain what I feel and it gets annoying. When I was younger I could speak up or confront someone when there's doing wrong. Now I can't even stick up for myself because I'm always afriad.... "
"Bark?"
"Afriad of what? I-I really don't know why I'm always scared. I never really noticed what was the center of all my fear." I said.
"Bark."
"I can't tell my friends... I wouldn't feel comfortable enough. Plus... I-I have strong feeling for one of them, I feel like if I tell him he won't see me the same way. He'll probably just probably reject me and everything might be awkward." I said.
"ruff?"
"I'm not going to tell him... I feel like if I did tell him now, it will hurt less when he rejects me. At the same time I can't go threw with it because I might run away and hide in the corner." I said.
"Bark ruff?"
"Love is confusing to me Night. It's so hard to choose what to do when you find it. To me...love is like hate and hate is like love. You can love to hate or hate to love. Their so different but so much similar at the same time. They can grow and blossom into something ugly and beautiful. Just like hate being bitter and love being so sweet. When you have them in your reach they just disappear." I said.
"Bark... "
"I can't just go up to him and say hey I like you, do you like me back? Without a problem."
"Bark."
"I now I just said that but that's not the point in this Night. I can't say that too him without feeling worthless." I said.
"Bark bark bark bark bark bark."
"These things aren't easy Night, to me it's so hard. Like Juliet and her Romeo, two different houses but they still loved each other. Love conquers all... They got married without there's parents knowing, they died for each other, friar Laurance and the Juliets nurse helps them. It was hard for them to keep their love a secert because of the feud between the two. They had to keep their undying love to themselves. Like in death due them part, they killed themselves only for love... The peace was now there, losing people on way... Romeo, Romeo why art thou Romeo." I said.
"Bark."
"I forgot you don't know the story..." I said.
"Bark."
"Juliet is a Capulet while Romeo is a montague. Their houses hate each other with a dying passion. When Romeo meets Juliet they falls in love. They secertly get married and after that Mercuito (Romeo's best friend) dies because of Juliet's cousin Tybalt. Such a little bitch. Things happen and Romeo gets banished and Juliet is also forced to get married to Paris. Paris was a suitor for her this whole time. Juliet goes to friar Laurance and tells him that she's going to kill herself because Romeo is gone and she has to marry someone else. Dumb reason but whatever. They come up with a plan and friar Laurance makes a poison to make it look like she's dead but really isn't. Friar Laurance sends Romeo a letter explaining the plan and he never got it. Romeo hears about Juliets death and goes to her tomb at night with a deadly poison and drinks it. Juliet wakes up to see her lover die and she stabs herself because she can't be with him anymore. When the Capulet and Montague hear about what happened the feud ends." I explained.
"BARK! "
"Yeah... They did it for love. Love can make you do stupid things so can hate. The feud between the Capulet and the Montague's lead to hate which lead to love. Hate couldn't break their love from each other..." I said.
"Bark!"
"I know it was stupid for them to kill themselves. It was sweet at the same time, they did everything they did just for this one emotion we get at one point. Love."
"Bark."
"Yeah... It's beautiful isn't it. Just to feel that one emotion only once." I said looking at the sky.

The sun was coming up and I looked at it rise. I hugged Night tight and he licks my cheek.

"They did it for love." I mumbled.
"Feelings just hurt."