[HopeMin] // to you, my darling.

the grand masterpiece

I

Another sleepless night.

Hey darling, how have you been doing?

Look at me the pathetic fool, who still misses the lingering feeling of your caressing touches on my forehead, on my body or anywhere else. Believe me, you're always on my mind, either day or night.

I remember vividly, those star-bright eyes that used to look at me so endearingly, those delicate warm lips that used to give me numerous of passionate kisses. Not to mention your alluring voice tone, took me to the magnificent wonderland. I wasn't willing to return to the brutal reality, you know? Everything about you, seemed so enrapturing.

Habits certainly are hard to give up. I would unconsciously order two cups of latte, one lessened sugar. How could I drink that much amount of coffee, without you anyway. Silly me, aren't I darling? Two proportions of Panda Express, again I have to store it for the next day.

II

Our house is now filled with paintings of you. An angel who fell from heaven, just to be held by the arms of Jung Hoseok me. Uncontrollably visualize, uncontrollably reminisce. They say that I have turned into a mad artist. What do they even know? No ordinary portrait, can picturesquely depict your heavenly gloriousness.

I lost count of time. Since when, I no longer comprehend such issue. Sometimes I will starve myself, as I can't afford to take any break. A devoted artist has to put all of his effort, even blood and tears to accomplish his masterpiece, right?

Having pictured, having sketched, having thrown away. Frustration is devouring me.

"Your paintings are mercilessly realistic."

"The echoing scream of a devastated soul hidden underneath the conventional fake smile, how absurd."

"Deception, misconception. Such irony when a person being known for giving others hope, would hold on to such an unbearable melancholy."

"You certainly have my respect, mister Jung Hoseok."

Your compliments, are more worthy than that of any other art critic. Nobody understood the delivered message, except for you darling. We stood there in front of my display of portraits, silently enjoyed the tranquil atmosphere. Little did I know, that was the beginning of the destruction of Jung Hoseok.

The main theme of the exhibition, "rewind to the renaissance era".

III

Tormented, I mess up bitterly while thinking about our past. Shit, I have just scratched my precious canvas. An irritating line. It has been impeccably flawless, up until that moment. Furiously, I tear everything apart. My creation, my ideal imagination, nothing can bear imperfection, or even a slightest fault. An agonizing cry was let out, how miserable.

Have I failed, as an artist?

"Why did you come to me, giving me this enchanting love then snatching it away?"

I wake up in the next morning. Darling, my eyes are swollen to the point I don't dare to look at myself in the mirror. The prodigious painter Jung Hoseok, never have he shed a tear for anybody. But he cried out loud, because of a boy whom he is deeply, madly in love.

Fall gradually arrives, when the wind starts to get cooler.

There are times when I rethink about "Renaissance". I was profoundly drawn into it, as it soon became the fundament of my inspiration for creating art. Oh Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo, illustrated them "never-before-seen" enthralling aesthetics of the remarkable modern age. How I wish myself could be divine like them.