r y e
i missed him. i needed him. i want him.
i miss his embrace, his soft lips against my own, his innocent blue eyes looking into mine. i miss him.
but i messed up.
i hurt him. i cheated. i had no excuse.
he hates me, he left me, he broke me.
i grabbed the bottle of vodka and downed almost half of it. i was becoming drunk.
after i had drank the rest of the bottle, i was drunk. i grabbed a smaller bottle and downed half of it.
i miss him.
i reached out for my phone and saw it had just gone midnight. i clicked on the contacts app and immediately saw his name.
andy 💛
i pressed on the call button and it began ringing.
"hello? who's this?" his beautiful accent rung in my ears.
had he deleted my number?
"um, i - uh- hi andy"
"hello? who is this?" he repeated himself again.
"it's- um - me. uh - ryan.." i stuttered.
"ryan? oh - oh! what do you want?" he asked with a mean tone.
"i need you andy"
"then you shouldn't have cheated ryan"
"but - i - i miss you" i told him. i felt the tears fall down.
"it's too late ryan"
"no! no it's not! don't ever say that" i spoke loudly.
"yes it is! you cheated and now you say you miss me?"
"but- but i miss you andy. i miss you.." i choked.
"oh grow up, you don't miss me. you're probably delirious right now"
"i'm drunk actually"
"what?! ryan, you never drink!"
"i know. i had to get rid of the pain somehow" i told him in a 'duh' tone.
"ryan, what the fuck! why?"
"i just told you. i fucking miss you andy and i can't bear the pain anymore!"
"it's - you're too late now. i've found someone new and i'm happier"
the words 'someone new' and 'i'm happier' rung through my mind.
"no..."
"what?"
"no, you can't be with someone new.."
"well i am ryan you can't st-"
"no! andy, no!" i yelled and threw my phone on my bed, it somehow turned on loudspeaker. i grabbed the vase and threw it on the floor.
"ryan!" i heard his voice shout. i ignored it and grabbed the small mirror beside my bed and smashed it on the floor. i punched the big mirror that was hung up on my wall.
"you can't be happier!" i screamed, "i love you! you can't be!"
i smashed other objects on the floor, forgetting about andy being on the phone.
or so i thought he was on the phone.
my door swung open and my head snapped up.
there he stood.
"ryan.."
"no! get out! you don't need me anymore! just- just go!" i screamed. he calmly walked over to me and grabbed my arm took me into the living room and sat me on the sofa.
his arm wrapped around me tightly as i began crying in his chest.
"i need you andy"
"shh, it's okay, i'm here now"
"but you're happier without me"
"or so i thought"
"what?!" i pulled away from him: "what do you mean?"
"i mean, i don't love him like i love you ryan"
this shocked me.
"you still love me?" i choked. he nodded his head.
"i guess so ryan"
his eyes landed on my hand and his eyes widened.
"what?" i asked and he grabbed my hand. it was full of blood.
"what happened?"
"i might of punched the mirror.."
he dragged me to my bathroom and cleaned my hand up.
"do you forgive me?" i asked him. he looked into my eyes.
"not completely"
my face dropped. i've messed everything up.
"but, i've hurt you mentally and physically"
"when did you hurt me physically?" i asked.
"i made you do this" he pointed to my hand.
"i'm sorry, okay?"
"look, i know you're sorry and everything but i'm still with mikey, my boyfriend" he told me.
"and you still hurt me as well. for god's sake ryan you cheated on me. you started all of this, so no. actually i don't forgive you" he said before walking out and slamming the front door shut.
i felt my heart drop and break. i felt the tears in my throat. i choked as a sob escaped me. i slid down the wall.
i've lost him forever...
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{inspired by middle of the night - the vamps}
