Missing Her

Dear Cyanithe

I breathed in and out, nervously walking through the depths of the secret corridor and maybe, pretending not to care even if I do because if I told myself that I'm a little scared, this girl beside me would be screaming eternally and when I say eternally, I really meant eternally. She just won't stop damn I really just can't explain.

She, a girl who's actually never my type and will NEVER be. She had this weird vibe around her that everybody loves and I don't. I never knew how a girl like this, so tiny, so fragile came into my life as a pest and nothing more. I gave her a place in my life, though.

That's a major role and that role is being an extra. She's just always there, she's almost EVERYWHERE. She annoys me of her being weird and being a total bugger in my life. Little did I know that in all the characteristics I just mentioned earlier was the key of me being too attached to her. She's Layne Cyanithe Crosgrove (pronounced as: Leigh Seannette).

Layne confessed many times on how she likes me, she even told me how she liked the guy named Eric the d*ckhead in our class when I don't really don't give a damn about it. Her being her comes to me like as if she's comfortable and such that she dgaf if I felt being uncomfortable in return. Many years passed and I came to learn this side of hers, her being one-sided be it in a story or not. I came to like it, actually. WHICH IS SOOOO WEIRD. I came to like her, to love her without me even noticing. Yet as the days passed she accepted the fact that she won't be liked back. She kept telling stories of her settling in one guy but crying back to me to just tell me how much worthless she has become.

All the embarrassment she had encountered in her lifetime were witnessed by me and that I say is the most funniest thing in the world. To see her lively expression turned into an opposite one. She is careless be it in actions or not. She's so cute. We have certain similarities, it's just that she's too good for me set aside the fact that I get sheepishly useless when it comes to her because I like her. I like for who she is, I learned this and that, her story filled me with joy and such, I would never forget what stories she had told me. It's a pleasure to be you know, to be fully trusted.

I wanted to actually tell her I liked her, I mean no, I love her, I do. But I can't tell her in a right moment, in a right time. I actually can't. I gave her enough heartaches and yes, I tell you this I regretted the time when I let myself believe that I don't love her at all when in fact I did, I do. That's the most fucked up moment in life, to realize you are always late for everything.

I always take her for granted giving her hints that I won't hit on her. I know she felt the hints I gave her before but she seemingly ignored it and never fail to impress me, she never gives up. Not until when she found the right guy for her, who values her more than anyone else, who gaves her love, care and support. That same day, same time I realize how deep my feelings are for her. But to my suprise, Layne is happier than I thought she would be. She was happier without me and I won't have the right to take away her happiness because honestly, she deserves to be happy more than anyone else.

If only I told her how I feel, If only. Oh, Layne Cyanithe.