Lost

Day 4

"...and then she passed out."
"She passed out? Just like that?"
"Yes, so I put on her hospital robes again and put her to bed. She was awake for a short period and then fell asleep."
"Okay. Did she have any nightmares?" "Yes, the same like always. Mumbling and sweating."
"But when she wakes up we can take her with us?"
"Yes, except for the nightmares and the fainting she is perfectly alright."

They're talking about me.
I'm awake but I don't move. I want to hear everything they say.
"The drugs left her system and she won't have any lasting symptomes. But it will take a lot of effort to get her memory back. Are you shure you don't want professional help with that?"
"No the waiting list is way too long for that, thank you."

I hear the nurse leaving.
Now I dare to move again, pretending I just woke up.
"Good morning! Ready to leave?" Kris says enthusiastic. I blink. They look so happy. Excited to take care for me.
Me I think a weird girl who was on drugs.

The entire trip I say almost nothing.
"You know," Kris says, "I think it's weird you don't even remember your own language."
"I know." is the only answer I can give.
"Anyway, you're gonna have it good with us!" He gives me a big smile.
I force a smile back. I'm sure he can see it's not real, but he leaves me be.

I'm so uncomfortable in the trousers of Kris' en Dani's little sister, Sofia. I'm quite skinny, but an eleven year-old still has different sizes. Sofia doesn't live with them, but she has clothes there for when she stays a weekend. Luckily Maria reasoned that I couldn't come in the hospital-cloth. Neither could I wear my own clothes, who were ready for the trashcan. So she brought these trousers and a sweater of her own.

They try to cheer me up again: "Maybe we should buy you new clothes, you can't go on in these." Maria says.
"Good idea!" Daniel already makes up to change the course, when I start crying.
They all look at me, startled.

"What's wrong?" Kris asks softly, "You're really gonna be okay! I promise! We're gonna take the best care for you and we will help you to find your way again, and..."
"But that's just the thing!" I can't help but to shout, completely frustrated. "You guys will put a lot of effort and money in me and I'm not even sure if I could ever pay it back! You guys have a life to live and you will spend it on me! I'm not worth it! Just..."

"Okay enough!" Kris says, not angry but also not so soft anymore. "We will put this effort in you because we care for you! You look so honest and kind, I think I'm speaking for the three of us if I say that you are worth it."
"But..." I try. Actually I don't know why I resist. These people will take good care for me. It's just that...

"...I don't want to be a liability." I eventually continue.
"Believe me, you're not." Dani says.
"There is something about you..." Kris says, "I just can't find the word... like...  чистый"
"Whut?" I blink, he sayd something in Russian again, though, I like the sound of it.

"чистота! That's it! Wouldn't that be a nice name?!" Kris claps his hands. Maria and Dani immediately nod happily.
"Chistota?" I ask, trying to pronounce it the way he did.
"Yes! Isn't that beautiful? It means purity... and... innocence."
"It fits you perfectly" Maria says.

"Well, I do like the sound of it... чистота?"
They nod.
"Okay then! Y'all can call me чистота!"
All of us cheer.
"Now to celebrate, we're gonna buy you new clothes!" Kris exclaims.

And it takes hours.
Moskow is a very unpredictable city. Last week, it was still snowing, and freezing cold. This week, it's quite hot, and everybody leaves the house in summery clothes. So we have to make sure I'm prepared on everything.

"What about this one?" Maria holds up a very short dress that looks like an oversized shirt. Everyone seems to wear it, but I don't really like it. Not with my limbs full of bruises. So I shake my head. Maria shrugs and hangs it back.

I look up from the rack.
"Maria, where are the boys?"
"Oh, uhm, they left."
When she sees my surprised look she hurries to continue:
"But they come back! Kris, he wanted to go to the hairdresser and... well... it can take a while."
"Oh alright then." I can see they didn't just went to the hairdresser but again, I don't mind that they hide things from me. It's none of my business.

It takes another two hours for the boys to come back. In the meantime us girls had a fun time shopping and having a drink at Starbucks.
"Oh Dani texted me, they're on their way." Maria picks up her phone to answer him.
"Ah that's good."
I already saw them coming behind her, but they sined me I shouldn't say anything.

"You can be a little bit more enthusiastic for them to come!" Maria smiles. I smile back, very bright, because Dani is behind her now. He lays his hands on her eyes.
"Knock knock!" he smiles.
"Daniii stop it!" she turns her head and he kisses her. All of us laugh of course.

"Kris! Your hair!" I say. It's completely black now.
"Yes I cut off all the blonde. Quite sick of it." he smiles.
"Oh well this colour is good on you" I wink. And he winks back.