Crier- Hetalia Fanfiction (USUK)

Chapter 6: Thoughts and Questions

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

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It's been around 3 months since Alfred had come to World Academy in London, and it was time for the annual school festival. Each class was supposed to come up with a stall for this event. Francis, the class rep, took charge.

"We're going to do a cafe that is country-based. Different foods from different countries will be served, and be served by the gorgeous and fashionable people of this class and by the way, Arthur is not one of them."

Arthur sprung out of his seat with a snarl. "Shut your stupid crumb-crusted mouth, you piss-flavoured baguette! YOU WANNA GO?!"

"Mon dieu, Arthur, I was just joking. Calm down and let me finish. You are to wear a costume based on your country of origin, or of a specific timeframe in that country's history."

"HEY FRANCIS! MAY I-"

"No, Alfred. You absolutely may not come dressed in nothing but an American flag."

"Damn it." Alfred let out an audible groan. He heard Feliciano whisper something iin a hushed voice to Ludwig, causing a slight blush on the German's face. He assumed it was something of...that sort.

God, they were so gay.

Practically the whole class was, actually. Lovino and Antonio. Lukas and Mathias. Feliciano and Ludwig. Emil and Leon. That's just the tip of the iceberg, I bet. Alfred thought.

He turned around to peek at Arthur. Was Arthur gay too? Alfred had always known he'd been bisexual, but he wasn't very sure about Arthur. Alfred kept staring at Arthur, taking in his features. He was pretty damn attractive. Hell, Arthur was freaking hot. Suddenly, Arthur's head snapped up and caught Alfred staring at him. Instead of hitting him with a book, Arthur just looked away with a flushed face. That was pretty different from normal, what's up with him? Alfred asked himself.

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Bloody hell. What was Alfred staring at me? And so intently too! Do I look that bad? I unconciously ran a hand through my hair, combing through any tangles or knots. Nothing there. Did I have something on my face? I gave it a wipe with my handkerchief. Yes, I own a handkerchief. It's a rather cute one that Kiku gave to me as a present a while back. It's green with a little cartoon character on it. Totoro, I think it was called. Anyway, nothing there either. 

Well, I think he's really bloody attractive, just saying. Oh, I'm gay. If you didn't know. I like guys. I play for the other team. So hang me. Alfred's a great person, and he's really friendly. He's the closest thing I have to a friend, actually. I know I don't deserve anthing close to a friend, but somehow, I'm very grateful for it. But there's always a voice at the back of my head. It makes me doubt everything. Even Alfred.

Why does he keep trying to talk to me?

I don't know.

How can he put up with me?

I don't know.

How do I put up with myself?

I don't know.

I'm a awful person. I hope for the impossible. I push everything away from me, and when nothing's left, I cry. Like the pathetic blithering idiot that I am. I'm weak and can't do anything right. I can't get angry without spilling tears. I can't even stand myself. 

I don't want to self harm. I really don't want to. But ittakes away the pain. It makes me feel something. I'm too broken to the point where I can't feel so it's a way for me to know that I'm still alive. To know the pain of living. A reminder that my heart is still beating.

The pain. The sadness, the loneliness. It hurts, it hurts so much. It hurts to know that even if I disappear, nobody will miss me. I just want somebody to care for once. I just want someone to be there for me. But I've pushed them all away, and they're not coming back.

I know.

They're just not going to come back.

They never do.

I'm sorry.

I just mess everything up.

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(A/N: Hi guys~ Here's another chapter. It's a little short but I hope you like this one and that this wasn't too overpowering. I actually feel pretty damn bad about making Arthur like this. Any comments? Leave 'em down below! If you think I should add in something else or done something differently, let me know in the comments! Remember to vote if you liked it and I love y'all!)

AND WE HAVE REACHED 206 READS OKAY I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THANK YOU!!!! <3

-baka_heichou