Tales of the Four Letter Word

One step closer to you

I was 15 when I met him. There’s nothing beautiful magical or anything about it really. He was the senior, I was the girl no one notices. Cliché huh? Thought so too.

I was a girl who is always careful about everything. Especially to whom I open up too. I had walls, walls that I manage to build over the years. With no experience with boys whatsoever, I was bewildered when he confessed to me. It surprised me when someone actually LIKES me. I was doubtful at first but then I thought if I’m not going to take risk EVER, I would never know how it unfolds. The what-ifs would kill me.

After knowing him longer, I developed feelings for him. Eventually I gave in to the chase. We became a couple. My feelings just got stronger and stronger after every promises he gave.

Then came the problems.

He stopped texting and calling me one day. We don’t see each other much in school either , as he was the school president, being busy and everything. I tried texting him, but I got none reply. This was getting me nervous. Was he fine? Is something wrong?

I can’t even speak to him in school as he kept avoiding me. I was getting really scared.

After two weeks or so, he texted me. He told me that his brother saw our conversations and reported it to his mother. And apparently  It’s better for us to break of a while. At least until his exams. I agreed as there wasn’t much  choice.

While I was being heart broken and sad, he seem unfazed.

One day his friend stopped me in the hallway, with a sad and guilty smile on his face.

‘Are you free to talk right now?’

Too curious to say no, I nod. He lead both of us to the bleachers on the school field. Sitting beside me, he was silent.

‘What is it, Aiden?’

He looked at me and I could see he’s battling inside. ‘Look, you’re already here with me. If this wasn’t important or necessary for me to know, you wouldn’t even bother, Aid.’

‘Spit it out already’

He looked at me and sighed before looking back at the field. Refusing to meet my eyes.

‘I should have told you this ages ago. You didn’t deserve this. Look, Ryder is playing you.’

‘Wha-‘

‘Just let me continue.’

And so I did.

Turns out, I wasn’t the only girl that Ryder was dating – or dated in my case.

My relationship with him was almost two months, while he was already with her for about a year. Yup, based on my knowledge on Maths, it also meant that he cheated on her.

With me being the third party.

I felt broken.

I felt stupid.

I felt useless.

I felt betrayed.

But who was I to feel all that?

There’s an innocent girl somewhere who is oblivious about all these. If she was to find out, I was the cause of her misery. Her heart break. Her tears.

That thought itself make me sick to my stomach.

I cried at the bleachers. But I shouldn’t. Who was I to cry?

I was so angry of myself.

How can I not know this? I looked at my straight A’s result and scoffed. I don’t deserve that grade.