Law and Order: SVU Smuts and Fluff

Break- Barba x Reader

An: THIS IS FUCKING SAD AS SHIT. HAS SUICIDE IN IT. IF THAT TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE LEAVE. If you have chosen to stay, here's some food and tissues. Btw this is VERYYYYYYYYYY LONG.

(Season 19)

Warnings: Suicide, depression, talks of family death. Heartbreak. Normal SVU stuff.

You had worked for the SVU for about the same time as Amanda. You knew the ropes to most cases, how to talk people down, and had your bad days like everyone else. But yours was different due to bipolar depression. You were diagnosed when you were in your late teens. Your aunt on your moms side suffered the same condition, but she thought if she couldn't be happy, your mother couldn't. What she didn't know was that night you were out late with a study group for the upcoming SATs, and when you came home your aunt was sitting on the ground waiting for you.

She got up with seemingly inhuman speed and tried to gut you with the knife, but you had kicked her in the stomach and tried to run. She grabbed you by your curls and yanked your head back, and without another thought you gripped her own hair and yanked to the left, grabbing the knife and turning to knock the knife out of the way. But you miscalculated and ended up stabbing her in the gut. If it wasn't for the home cameras, you were pretty sure everyone would have found you guilty due to when the police arrived due to a neighbor. You were cradling your mother's head in your lap and covered in blood, and knife still beside your aunt's body.

"Yo, (Y/N), you okay?" The sound of Sonny's voice filled your ears and you shook out of your memories.

"Yeah I'm good. So the father comes home and just duck tapes the babysitter and takes the kid?" You were trying to get this straight before Liv sees you a bit distracted. After given a nod, you continued. "And the baby can't breath on his own, yet the father takes the kid anyway? We have any clues why?" You shot your hand out as you said why, and Amanda shrugged.

"Liv is talking with the mother about that right now, we have men and women working on the outside for them." Without another word she went back to answering phones.

Fin had gotten a tip about the father using a blue Toyota from a rental place, and Liv walked out with him from her office. "Work backwards, look for any call she may have made to Sheepshed Bay." Fin said there was a charge to his card for about 6 grand, and Liv sent people out to look for the manager to the medical building.

Morning soon came, and the address where the father was keeping the baby was given by the store manager, and you got into the car with Liv. "Hey (Y/N), you been okay lately? Not going downhill again?" You could hear the concern in her voice, but you hummed in amusement.

"I'll let you know after we get the baby," you said, not looking at her and out the window. As soon as Liv stopped the car, the two of you were out and hitting the ground running. Liv got on the phone with the guy, and he agreed to have to come into the house as long as she didn't have any weapons. Fin was telling her no, but it was no use. You went to the side with your own gun, trying to get a clear shot to him from another angle if needed.

Turns out, he had a painball gun and took his son because he thought his wife was going to kill him. You just put your gun away and shrugged at your squad, not knowing what else to do. You drove back with them and at the moment Amanda was questioning her with your current boyfriend, ADA Rafael Barba. "What kind of mother would want to do that to her kid?" Carisi was at your side. You crossed your arms and sighed before talking.

"Well if what she is saying is true, what would you do? You baby has known nothing but pain since he was born and he will not get any better. Why put your child through that when you can take their pain away? Yes, you would be sad and depressed, but then you would at least not have to keep the baby in anymore pain." You shrugged as he looked at you like you had a third eye.