Multiple thoughts were going through Deadpool's mind at the moment; Who the fuck wanted the kid dead again? Why does he look so adorable when he's knocked out? Why is he so adorable? Why am I so gay for this little punk? Does he know who I am? Should I quit thinking about him? Should I get the job done? Should I kill the cutie?
Wade quickly silenced the thoughts, thinking more about what would happen if he didn't kill him. There's no way I could kill him, he's just too. . . young.
[Young? That's your excuse?]
(You're in love with the kid. No denial.)
"Funny story, I just denied it. Do you think Al would be happy to see me with company?" Deadpool asked the boxes.
[Oh, of course. She'd definitely be happy to see someone who is actual perfection and not an avocado.]
(What they're trying to say is she'd be happy about you finding someone.)
"Hm. I'll take that." Deadpool skipped to his smelly excuse for a home, careful not to disturb the unconscious cutie in his arms. "Oh, Blind Al! I'm back~" Wade chirped happily.
"Did you get any cocaine?" The old woman asked, blindly searching around some drawers for either 'the cure for blindness' as Wade has said or the cocaine he spoke of.
"Sorry to disappoint. I brought company, though! He's a very pretty boy."
"No Vanessa?"
"She's. . . Er. . . Gone. "
"She was a bitchy whore anyway, Wade."
"Ouch. The company's name is Peter and he's my new bitch." Wade announced proudly. He then realized the angel was still in his arms and glanced at Blind Al. "Don't sit on him, I'm putting him on the couch."
"Hm. Okay, Wade." The lady slowly made her way over to the couch and sat directly on Peter's chest. "Oh no, my lovely lady. That's his chest. You said you wouldn't sit on him."
Al most likely said something, but it was inaudible. She moved herself over and crushed the boy's fucking amazing hair. "That works." The mercenary sighed and laughed. "Well, I'm tired after kidnapping him. Off to hell- dream world™ I go." He then laid down next to Peter's perfect body, cuddling him close.
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
Peter woke up to a strong aroma of pancakes. "The sleeping beauty has awoken! Morning, baby boy." Deadpool walked over from where he was cooking some pretty nice smelling pancakes. "Good morning?" Peter's brain had woken up enough to realize he had no idea where the fuck he was. He wasn't all that surprised to see Deadpool. . .
"Wait. Where am I? Deadpool, what the fuck did you do this time?" The teen had gone into a bit of a panic mode.
"Shhh, sweetie. You're in the home of your savior. I saved your web-slinging ass, so thank you would be pretty nice."
"Saved me? You came to my school and kidnapped me, for fuck's sake." Peter scoffed.
"Ooh, he's evolving. Language has gone into action. It's Wade, by the way. Wade Wilson. You're cute when you're knocked out." The man in front of Peter smirked from under his mask.
"And you're telling me this why. . ?" Spider-Man asked, a bit of urgency in his tone. "Oh! Because you're my bitch now, duh." Wade let out a girly giggle.
"Your. . . Bitch?"
"Are you that innocent, baby boy?" Deadpool gasped dramatically.
"No. . . I know what being someone's bitch means, dumbass."
"Good! Then we shouldn't have any problems!" The man grinned from underneath the mask™ and clasped his hands together.
"I did not consent to this."
"This is fanfiction, consent doesn't exist, honey."
"If I have to be. . . Your bitch, then I have to know what pervert lies under the mask. I know your name, I know you, but do you look the same? Show me your face, Deadpool." Peter said sternly. It was hard to take entirely seriously because of the teen's high voice.
"Hm. Alright, baby boy. You're not gonna like it. Really." Wade slowly peeled off the tight mask. Underneath the mask was scarred, almost burnt looking flesh from his bald head to his neck. At least, that's what the hero could see.
"I know, I know. It's disgusting, right?"
"No. It's. . . Incredible. Actually. How did it happen? Can I touch it?"
"Long story short, I got cancer, got it cured by some fucker named Francis, ended up making me into a gross mutant with a badass healing factor and sexy bod. I'm fucking fabulous now. And yes, you can touch it. You're gonna do a lot of touching." Wade winked at the teen.
"What did I get myself into?" Peter shook his head, burying his flustered face in his hands.
YOU ARE READING
No Homo Though ~ Spideypool
Fanfiction"I love you, Spidey. No homo though. See ya!" Those were the last words Deadpool had told Peter before running off. Where to? Probably his excuse for a home. No homo? Wow. That left Peter in a strange spot. Where has he heard that voice before? Scho...
