THE THINGS THAT HOLD US DOWN

- C H A P T E R 3 -

I had just gotten home, after slowly trudging my way back. I had managed to stretch the usual fifteen-minute waIk stretched out into a thirty-minute one as I mulled over the events that had happened that day. Now upstairs, in the comfort of my room, I stretched out, trying to release all the stress that had accumulated over the whole day. It had started off normally, with the cold walk to school and the mindnumbing dull lesson but then it had escalated into a big drama that only I seemed aware of. Seeing Declan hurt and most of my closest friends knew about the trauma that had happened a little more than two years ago now. The tragic story behind the mess I was currently floundering in. I hadn't told all of them the full story, however, from the start to the very end. Dom and Malia knew most of it, we had been friends back then as well. They didn't know how much it truly affected me though. It was too painful to put into words, too painful to revisit even though some of those memories had been the happiest moments of my life. They still were my most precious memories as I hadn't much to replace them with. No happy family time, and although I loved my friends, I couldn't let people in that close again.

I rolled over to lie on my side, hand tucked under my chin. It seemed that however much I did want to go down memory lane, my mind wouldn't obey my wish. Instead, almost like a movie playing on a screen, the memory of the first time I met him rolled into my subconscious as I fell into an unhappy sleep.

I was upstairs, singing loudly along to Missy Elliot. I had the house to myself so I could have a private rave for myself. My parents were on a business trip far away from here and my brother I didn't expect home for a long time, according to what he had yelled upstairs before leaving earlier.

"You're on your own for dinner, Rowan." My music has been at a reasonable volume so I heard him easily. "I probably won't be home until later." He didn't specify which later, just slammed the door behind him, eager to go see his friends.

"Okay then," I replied to my empty room, Declan hadn't bothered to wait for an answer. Just assumed I'd be fine. "Pizza for one it is." I continued to my still empty room, at a loss of what to do, "again." He had been going out a lot more recently. It was expected. Declan was in year eleven now, with a new crowd of friends. Just a one year age gap made all the difference, he was too cool to hang out with their little sisters. I had hoped that it was a temporary phase instead of a permanent one.

The doorbell rang, jarring me from my miserable thoughts. I turned my music down just to be sure and jogged downstairs quickly when I heard it chime again. I was slightly puzzled as I got closer, the pizza shouldn't have come for another ten minutes at least. I couldn't complain though.

I unlocked the door, the lock clicking as I did so. It swung back towards my face, pushed by the person outside. I scrambled back narrowly dodging being whacked in the nose.

"Declan, your car isn't outside." A voice I had never heard before spoke from behind the door. I stood there, bewildered as the open doorway revealed a figure standing on the mat. He was looking down at his phone and it had taken me a couple of seconds to realise that the stranger had started talking again, addressing my brother still, who wasn't actually here.

"It's funny how you managed to get back to your house before the rest of us. You're always the late one to like everything." He chuckled and slid his phone back in his pocket after typing something out. He then finally looked up at me, the expression on his face comical. I laughed as he switched between shock and confusion, his mouth opening and closing, unsure of what to say.

"You look kinda like a fish," I commented with a slight, awkward laugh. I wasn't sure how to approach the current situation.

"You look kinda like Declan." He retorted, a poor effort at a comeback, "but you're not Declan?" His smile was mixed with confusion.