Things That Never Happen

It's a Matter of Believing it All

“Wait, what?” Nicole’s voice had a tone of definite shock when she responded. I swallowed nervously. I was shaking, breathing hard; I didn’t know what to do. But at this point would anyone?

I was smiling like an idiot as I said, “Yeah. Yeah. I know.” There was a short period of silence on the other end as I awaited an answer.

“You’re going to be spending two weeks with him. Is that what I just heard? And not like ‘oh hey what’s up you’re a fan and I’m a celebrity’ kind of hang out but like ‘hey let’s get to know each other’ kind of hang out?”

I nodded, then remembered that she couldn’t see me, and murmured, “Mmhmm.” I heard shuffling and a distressed sigh from my friend.

“That’s just… I’m so goddamn jealous of you right now I can’t even begin to… Just no.” I giggled and pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb.

“I’m in disbelief too, Nicole. I just… It’s so surreal that I almost don’t know if I should go in case that this is all just a dream.” An unbelieving scoff echoed in my ear.

“You’re not thinking about actually not going right? Because you have to go.”

“No, no. I’m going, I just… I can’t believe that I am. You know?”

An electronic breath droned on slightly as soundlessness filled the virtual space between us.

“Yeah. Yeah. I know how you feel. Actually I don’t, since it’s not happening to me. But I can imagine. Barely, but I can.”

“Heh. Yeah.” I suddenly felt urgently startled as I remembered Jordan’s last words (of that I heard): “I’ll p.m. you contact information so we can get this whole thing set up, alright?”

“Oh, hey Nicole?”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve gotta go… Talk to him. About all of this.” My voice cracked slightly.

“Oh yeah! Right, right. Go do this thing, dude. I’ll be waiting here for you to fangirl every moment. Because frankly, even though I’m not really a fan, I’m extremely excited.”

“Thanks. Bye!”

“Bye!” Nicole hung up after that, leaving me to my own.

I snapped open my macbook so quickly that I feared I had broken it. The screen showed no signs of damage, however, so I resumed my much awaited actions. I instantly went to my twitch contacts. Sure enough, a private message from the user CaptainSparklez was present in my inbox. The content included:

“Can’t wait to meet you!” along with an email link. My heart fluttered in my chest. Right there, in front of me, was Jordan Maron’s personal email. I bit down a squeal as I clicked on the link. A new message format showed up on my gmail, directed to Jordan’s url. I put my fingers on the keyboard, but ended up typing nothing. I watched the cursor flicker back and forth, a new wave of shock filling my body as I sat dazedly still. This was actually happening. This was real, and it was actually happening.

 

. . .

I ended up rewriting my response about ten times. This had to be perfect. First impressions were entirely significant. Even though this wouldn’t be a real life first impression, it was one all the same. Once I hit send I breathed out a sigh of relief and anxiety. I then crossed my arms across my chest and sat in thought.

What was this going to be like? I was still baffled at this, but had come to the understanding that it was reality. Various scenarios were forming in my mind; perfect ones, and ones where our meeting went entirely atrocious. Due to the latter my gut swam with fear. What if I do something stupid? I exhaled slowly. I was worrying too much, as I always did. But I honestly couldn’t help it.

I shifted my position, which had grown worn and uncomfortable. I glanced at the built in clock on my computer. I let out a huff as I registered the time that had passed since I had sent the email: five minutes. You just sent it. He’s not going to have responded yet. Regardless, I hit the refresh button on the window. To my utter surprise I had a new email. From the man himself.

I eagerly pressed it. To my response (which had consisted of limited information about myself and a question as to how and where we would meet) he said:

“Hello Astrid. Yeah, I was wondering where we should meet up too. It would of course be in public place at first - just for the initial meeting. And for the when? Whenever you’re available. Since you live in Iowa I’m assuming it will take you a few days to actually get here. When you arrive, you can let me know any more plans you have conjured up. There’s a coffee shop nearby where I live that might be a possibility though.”

This time I replied more quickly and without as much thought.

“Sounds good to me. I’ll notify you as soon as I can. :)”

I delivered the message with a haste that I hadn’t had before. Then a slight sinking feeling started to form in my being.

“Why the hell did I just add a gay-ass smiley face to the end of that message?” I let out a moan of self disapproval and tangled my fingers in my hair. I’m such an idiot. Then I forced myself to shake it off. Good god get ahold of yourself. Putting an emoticon at the end of an email isn’t going to affect how he sees you in the long run.  

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I continued to worry about futile things. I was constantly concerned and I didn’t need to be. I shrugged inwardly at the thought; that was just how I was, I guess.

 

. . .

After I decided that I had contemplated the topic long enough, I redirected my attention to something that needed very much to be done: buying tickets. The prices, to my approval, were not as expensive as I had first anticipated. Then again I always thought things were going to be more than they really were, moneywise or in general.

Your ticket purchase was successful. Have a nice flight!

“Well gee website I couldn’t figure that out myself.” I was talking to myself a lot, as I did when I was nervous. It may be weird, but it was a coping method. Better than not having one at all.

I stared at those words for a while, wondering what it would be like. To be in L.A. I had already done everything to prepare, gotten everything set up. With the exception of packing.

I had never really been in a big city before. Curiosity filled my mind. At least the notion would be satisfied swiftly, along with many others. This, right here, was going to be an experience. The experience of my life without a drop of doubt. Mixture’s of various feelings mixing together left me in a weird and overwhelmed state, of which I couldn’t determine whether I enjoyed or not.

In L.A. with Jordan. I’m going to be in Los Angeles with Jordan Maron. That for certain was something I never believed that I would say. But I was. And the best part about it? It was true.

“Well, you know what they say,” I mumbled to myself with a grin. “Next stop: Los Angeles.”