What Heartbreak Looks Like

One Shot

This one-shot is inspired by Emily Burn's "Is It Just Me?"

What does heartbreak look like to you?

Is it when you're crying yourself to sleep, trying your hardest to forget everything that happened yet the hole in your chest won't let you, it makes you wonder what went wrong and how are you going to get up each day?

Perhaps it is when everything does not make sense, nothing seems to be crystal clear. How can something that filled you with bliss become something that you loathe so much?

Does heartbreak feel like there's something wrong with your heart that makes your whole body ache?

Or maybe, it is when you just can't help but wish you were still on your youngest days— where it hurts because of skinned knees than being in pain due to harsh memories.

Heartbreak.

You're doing so well before you met the person, you've got the heart that's never been troubled; a heart that's not afraid to beat. Your smile was never a fake one, you're genuinely happy back then.

But then you noticed that day by day, it is shattering, like a glass that has had a rock thrown at it. From those tiny fissures to larger cracks and lastly, separation of its pieces. How unlucky you are that in your eyes, he's already the one. You imagined your life around him, never thinking it would end. Those empty promises he once said destroyed you. 

Heartbreak.

You ask your friends, how long does it take to get over it? 

They don't know what to answer but they also hate seeing you like that- you're lifeless. So, they tried their best to be your helpline, they became your one call away people. 

Your friends won't let you go home alone after your night outs, they're scared you might do something or you might want to end it all. They are becoming your wall, a sturdy one.

But there's no formula to get over it. Heartbreak might be as complicated as math equations but there's no formula to suddenly stop it.

One day, you decided to have that willpower.

"It's over" you declared. 

You opened the window, watching how the sun rises. It is where you started to move forward. Then came that one night, you're at the party and you saw him with another, you kept telling yourself that maybe she's just his friend, although you know very well that she's exactly his type. 

"Is he hurting like how it's breaking me?" you asked your inner person.
"Or is it just me?" 

You cried that long night at the shower like a freak, you screamed to hell. 

How are you going to get up now that you're empty? All your time, hardships, efforts were simply taken by someone you thought you'll spend your whole life with. The person left you with plans that are not going to happen anymore, and you can't do anything with it. 

It's not as easy as you thought it is. One moment you're untying your heart from its chain then came another, you crumpled it like a paper. 

You can't help but pray that in another life, you'll be the one who's going to break him, the one who is unmerciful. 

Heartbreak. 

It is when you lose your passion, you stop doing the things you once loved, you're just unmotivated to be you. 

When you're tired of your mind aiming shots at your heart and you seem to become a battlefield of your own system.

You're simply lost. You want to talk to your person just like in the old times, not minding that he ruined you. 

It is when there's something you're longing to have, something you dreamt for, something that you thought you would have- goes away that easily. 

It looks like a mirror that is slowly shattering itself into many pieces. The more devastating the situation is, the more damage it makes. And once it has been broken, it'll never be the same again even if you try to fix it, for there will be marks of tainted memories. 

It is a long due process, you can't just heal right overnight, not right after you decided to do it. You cannot mend your soul by just attaching a band-aid or a caution tape around it. Heartbreak doesn't always end there. It has a purpose. It will help you to understand the world more. It serves as your refuge and those tattered marks will serve as a lesson that can be used to move forward in life. 

You may not be as whole as you were back then, you'll always have the chance to rescue your own when chaos appears, once again. 

What does it look like, really? 

Heartbreak looks like a person who has the moon phases. There are times she's intact, undamaged, and whole like a full moon. 

Then, she begins to shrink in the process of loving someone. Like the waning phase of the moon—she's decreasing in illumination, she's withering. 

Half illuminated, half in shadow. She seems to be the half-moon as she begins to lose herself, half-alive, scathe, incomplete. 

Yet there comes a time where she'll grow, she will learn as she heals. The same as the waxing phase of the moon, she'll expand in illumination. 

Lastly, she will be more than those painful experiences, she'll be more than half illuminated.
She may not be as full as she is back then, she will be the best person who describes the gibbous phase of the moon. 

Heartbreak, you may find it hard as it will torture you, especially when you can't seem to pick yourself piece by piece when you're screaming yet nobody can hear you when you feel like it's just you who's in pain. 

Heartbreak is indeed cruel. 

But there's always hope to everything, an escape to these mazes. Cry as long as you want to, feel everything deeply until you, yourself, tries to get out of the repetitive routine. Until then, you'll learn to look at the bigger picture of life. You will be stronger and courageous. 

There are a lot more mornings, you can start whenever you like to move. Rescue yourself, walk towards the sunlight, be the love that never ceases. Breathe as you conquer every hurdle. 

You can do it, you will.