Like Moths to Flames

The Shed

I open the shed door slowly, pulling it across the rusted bearings. Steven, Clarke, Keisha, Maison, Jacob, Caitlyn, Jarrod, Jarred, Georgia and Mikayla, all sit around on the green plastic chairs. Mikayla holding Jarod's hand, Clarke and Steven talking about weed and how they are gonna get "off chops," Maison sits quietly twiddling a pole, jarred puts some nightcore on and then the drugs come out. Steven starts pulling a cone and the others all wait their turn, Clarke, Maison, jarred, Jarrod then him. Jacob takes his turn and generally looks uninterested. People go out back to play pool, Caitlyn and Geo go around the back an pull Cannies. See at this point I don't remember really what happened so these aren't exact accounts as it did to begin with. I don remember the exact dialogue spoken but I remember the topics.

Mikayla and Jarrod leave and go inside. Once Caitlyn. Bitch. And Geo finish, Caitlyn goes and hits in Steven and fro goes inside. I hate being here. Once again I fail to remain Calm. Smile, breath you have to stay for your friends. I calm myself slightly and put on some metal. I pass the time slowly by staring at a wall. The music keeping me here otherwise with out I would fade away into oblivion. Jarred comes and sits with me we talk about many things, making bombs, his love life. Eventually Jacob comes sits with us. I decide it's time to speak. I feel nervous not anxiety it's just the feeling I don't want to make a mistake.

"Jarred." I speak

" I'll make you bacon.. If you smoke a cone of wood dust"

He looks at me for a moment,

Mmm na-" Jacob butts in,

"I'll make bacon pancakes" he smiles his eyes glowing in the light.. A greens brown, somehow this comforts me.

" okay." Jarred laughs, he begins to fill the cone piece with wood dust and inhales.. And coughs up his hole. Jacob and I laugh.

They talk about music and drugs and basically anything. I zone out listening to my own music.

Really the night was filled with laughter and people comming together. The only thing here for me was suicide. My mind clouded. It's so hard for me to smile.

I walk solemnly through the house, Mikayla and Jarrod cuddle closely on the couch, I wish I had happiness like them.