SIN

chapter 19.

Daniel MacLeish's POV

Could it be that life itself could be this cruel?
Or rather how could I have been so cruel to her?
To someone that I truly and dearly love,
A memory that will forever remain dear in my heart have I run from.
That night meant everything to her,
But did it to me?
Yes more than I even want to admit to myself.

I was truly a coward, scared of the responsibilities that come with love.

Of cause, she hates me or even more despises me for living her right when she needed me the most,
How then can I repay such damage?

All this taught came to my mind,
Remembering how hurt she looked at how ice cold her voice was how determined to get rid of me she had been. A sting I haven't felt in decades began to surface.
My heartbeat was slowing down, I began to see everything as it was, even my throat was hurting, my nose flares but my eyes were burning,
My face getting red,
My heartbeat began to slow,
Everything was getting blurred.
No, I wasn't going to faint
Am actually crying,
Regretting my actions,
If only I knew the intensity of the love I felt I would move an inch to hurt that delicate heart of hers'

Regretting won't get me anywhere neither will it softens the pain I have stupidly made her feel...
I would beg even if it means being on my knees I will beg for her love, I will beg to be loved by her again.

"Sam,
Get your keys ready I will like to visit Habiba now"

"Yes, sir."

She was just blocks away I could have just driven there, but I run the risk of running back home.
For the first time in my life, I am scared, so fucking scared she would spit at my face and tell me to go rot in hell.

I stepped out of the car before Sam would attempt opening it for me.

I scratched the nape of my neck nervously as I rang the doorbell.
I could hear her telling Geraldine not to start Dinner before her,

"Baby, you can wait a minute while I answer the doorbell can't you?"

"Of cause mum."

The family I want to belong to, the woman I want, need.

As the door finally got opened her sweet smile dropped when she saw me and that alone caused a big pang on my heart that I could make her feel so hateful of me.

"Evening Silvia."

"Evening MacLeish."

"I know this is bad timing but I just wanted to see you and say...."

"There's nothing to say, Mr MacLeish, your actions were as transparent as the summer skies. And yes this is bad timing, if you would allow me I'd like to go back to my son."

"Just hear me out, please just this once, please Habiba, please."

It was like I added more gasoline to a burning fire when I called her Habiba, I could see now that she is more pissed

"Get away as far as possible from me and my son.
I don't want to see your deceitful face again..."

"I swear I do love you, I regret leaving y..."

"Am not finished, Daniel!
Don't interrupt me. Is this how you show up in front of your numerous whore's doorstep and fool them into getting in bed with you? My body may be a strong structure but my heart is as fragile and tender as the pillow you lay upon at night, it doesn't just keep me breathing, it gives me a reason to breathe cause I know it is fueled by love.
But how about now Daniel, how about know?"

There was an intensity to the words she just spoke, I truly have messed up the whole process, now my fears are true, she doesn't want to see me, how on earth can I convince her that what I feel is true.

"Mom, what's taking you so long?
My meal is stone cold already."

"Hey baby, was just speaking to Mr MacLeish about something would you please give us another minute?"

"No mum am starving."

The tears I've Been holding back spilt the moment the little boy took my hand and led me to the room. I hastily cleaned my face from the hot regretful tears that rolled down my cheeks.

So love could hurt this much?

"Mr MacLeish mommy told me you came to visit when I was in the hospital I never got a chance to say thank you in person.

"It was only proper to come see the young man right when he needs me, so you are welcome."

I watched as she silently toyed with her food, me, on the other hand, drank only water, Dine saw little of this action as he ate comfortably from his plate.

"How did you know I was admitted to the hospital?"

"How about we say am your guardian angel, always on the lookout for you yeah?"

"If you were his guardian angel, you wouldn't have let him be poisoned in the first place, you are very far from being an Angel Daniel."

"Mom don't blame him for what happened, he is only trying to help."

"He's trying to help?
This man cares for no one but himself, he was the reason I lost track of you, he is the reason for my sleepless night, he is the devil himself!"

"Silvia, can we please not talk about this in front of him? Can we discuss this in a more suitable atmosphere?"

"A suitable atmosphere?
What is wrong with the atmosphere we are in right now?"

Her temper is flaring, she is losing her composer as she begins to rise from her seat and walking slowly as she speaks, she approached me.

"You want an atmosphere where you can have your dirty paw on me again?
An atmosphere...."

"Mom?"

"Shut up Geraldine Ivory North and go upstairs Now!"

"As for you, Daniel get the hell out of my house!"

"I just want to say am sorry Habiba"

Another gasoline to the fire.
A vase came crashing at my feet another followed it but this one got me at my arm,
She didn't stop she continue to break things.

" stop this nonsense!"

"You dare call this nonsense, this has more sense than what you are trying to do to me, Daniel!"

She is crying, her body visibly shaking.

"Babe am sorry."

"A step further and I swear I will stab you with a knife, I swear it."

Somehow deep inside I knew she would do it so I stood still.
Just as it came, she took a deep breath and she was back to normal, she walked to the dining table, took her phone and dialled a number.

"Hello Vivian, I need you to come clean the house tomorrow,
Yeah, I made a mess,
And yes I will pay you extra.
Thanks, Vivian, see you at 8.

" Now Daniel I think you have overstayed your welcome it's time you left. We don't want ceramics and temper flying around the house with Dine in it would we?"

I silently walked to the car and sat at the back of the seat.
Now I know what she's thinking.
She thinks that I am capable of hurting her feelings intentionally.