CHANCE ENCOUNTER (Bieber x Male)

Part XI

(ALEX POV)

I close the balcony door to Justin's hotel room behind me and exhale deeply as I plop myself down into one of the balcony's armchairs. What the hell just happened?

Justin just told me he loves me.

I wanted to say it back. I really did. Because I do love Justin. Probably too much for my own good.

I realize I'm in a tricky situation. Maybe Justin really does love me, but I can't be his secret. And I know that's exactly what's going to happen. His management and label and whole team are going to do everything in their power to erase me from his life the second the find out Justin has feelings for me. And Justin... Justin isn't gay? Is he? Even if he's bisexual, I really can't see him coming out to the world just for me? And maybe he loved me when he was cumming inside me but what about when he leaves Toronto to get back to the Los Angeles life, the TMZ life, the tour life, that public life that's so separate from the middle class boy he picked up off the side of the road in Stratford? It's been a wild weekend for me, but just a blip on the screen for Justin I'm sure.

If I open myself to him and tell him I love him back I am guaranteed the biggest heartbreak of my life. Because I can't kid myself : I am head over heels for him. I knew it from the moment he sat down next to me on that rock in Stratford. The second I caught a glance of his eyes, a whiff of his smell, the sound of his voice when he says my name.

When he looks at me, I feel that he's genuine. I don't doubt for a second that he cares for me, truly. I don't think he was lying when he said he loved me. But I know that Justin is a package, and a big part of that package is the mess that is celebrity life, and I'm not sure I'm ready to have my heart smashed so publicly. And I'm not sure Justin has even thought any of this through for himself. Maybe he cares for me but does that mean he truly wants me, that he's ready to commit to me? He can care for me but "love" is a commitment.

I pull out a cigarette and light it up, inhaling the toxic smoke into my lungs and holding it for 5 seconds before exhaling it out over the city. From the height of the hotel, the people below look like ants, all serving their minuscule purposes as they move across the city from block to block. It is rush hour and the car horns are blaring.

The balcony door slides open behind me and my heart sinks.

"Alex..."

I spin my head around and Justin is standing in the open doorway, shirtless in red basketball shorts. An unlit cigarette hangs from his mouth, his skin glowing in a light coating of sweat from the aftermath of our fuck. His expression is blank.

"Uh huh?" I ask, because I have no idea what else to say.

"Mind if I..." Justin trails off.

"Oh, yeah, absolutely, no problem." I look at the chair next to me.

Justin steps out into the sunlight and closes the balcony door behind him, plopping himself down next to me in the chair. "I made things weird, huh?"

I sit in silence and take a drag from my cigarette. Justin exhales loudly and rests his head in his hands.

"I didn't mean to say that, it just, well, came out..."

My heart sinks. Of course he didn't mean it. Obviously.

"You know, Justin, it's fine, it happens. Don't worry about it." I spit out, returning to my cigarette. "I obviously know you don't love me. It's just sex." I take another drag and look out at the city. It's taking everything in me to stop my hands from shaking, so I flick my smoke off the balcony and reiterate. "It happens."

"Alex..."

"No, seriously, Justin, it's cool."

Justin grabs my hand and the warmth of his touch sends sparks through my body.

"Alex, listen to me."

"I'm listening..."

"Alex, no, please, look at me."

The tears are forming behind my eyes and I don't think I can bear to look at him right now.

"Alex..." Justin scoots his chair closer to me and his hand begins to softly massage mine. "Please, look at me."

Against everything inside me, I turn to look at him, a huge tear falling from my eye, rolling down my face dramatically. Fuck, Alex, come on.

"Alex, baby boy, you've got it wrong." Justin continues to massage my hand and his brown eyes are locked on mine. "I meant it, babe. I really fuckin' meant it. I love you. Like crazy."

"Stop it." I blurt out, averting my gaze from Justin back to the cityscape. "You barely even know me. Hell, I barely even know you. This isn't love."

Justin is silent for a moment, his hand still on mine but no longer squeezing. "Then why are you so upset right now?"

I ignore his question and stare out at the city, overwhelmed with the desire to hide. I feel, above all, embarrassed.

"Can you answer that, Alex?"

I sigh. "Because it's a lot, okay?" I pull my hand from his. "I'm feeling a lot but it doesn't mean we're in love or that I love you."

Justin sits silently, and from the corner of my eye I can see his gaze shift from me to his lap. "Kinda harsh, Alex, geez.."

"Yeah, Justin, sometimes reality can be fuckin harsh." I blurt out.

"What the hell are you on about?" Justin stammers, his tone cold but noticeably shaken.

"Come on, Justin. Think about it for a second. Think about it for just one freakin' second. Do you know what you're doing? Of fuckin' course I'm head over heels for you. You're a heartthrob and a sweetheart and funny and kind and amazing in pretty much every way but you're Justin fucking Bieber. You have such a huge life to live and tomorrow I'm gonna be old news, a mistake. You have to get back to your crazy life full of huge personalities and girls and now boys, I guess. And the media. Have you thought for a second about how I could ever possibly fit into that before you tell me you fucking love me? Because when you go back to your life, I go back to hell on Earth. I go back to obscurity. I go back to my Dad and my Mom and my boring life. To bullying. To nothing."

More tears are falling from my face now but the floodgates have opened with no intention of closing down until I'm finished. "Think about it for a second. I have nothing. Don't tell me you love me and hang that over my head when you could never possibly mean it. Because I have nothing to distract me from the heartache I will feel when you leave. Nothing. So save it. It was a good fuck, thank you for having me in your hotel and taking care of me but leave my heart alone."

I fall into silence and Justin matches it. We sit in the sounds of the cars below us for what feels like an eternity before Justin breaks the air.

"Fuck you, Alex." He mutters shakily, and throwing his cigarette off the balcony without lighting it.

He gets up from his chair, hiding his face in his hands, and storms back into the hotel room, slamming the balcony door behind him.

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(Sorry this update took so long and sorry it's kinda short. Next update VERY soon and this time I promise. It's already written. Comment with feedback or questions!)