In My Head

Fish Out Of Water

Jackson
19
Overweight
Average height for a guy I guess
Is that enough information? I guess it is for now. You'll learn more about me overtime.

Do you like my creative title. It took me all of 2 seconds to come up with it.

So today is move in day for school. I don't know why I decided on going to this college. Ever since I was 10 I would research all of the best schools to go to. This was never on any of my lists. I guess the whole college application process was more stressful than I thought it would be so I settled for a school that was decent but easy to get into.

It's an hour and a half away from Pittsburgh (that's where I live). I don't know what made me decide to go away for school because I'm pretty introverted and anxious all of the time but I think it'll be good for me and it could be fun being able to do my own thing.

My roommate told me he was moving in later this afternoon so I'm trying to move in early so that I can be there first. That'll make things less weird right? You know...I'll be all settled in and then when he gets there it'll already feel like it's my room. Where as if I moved in after him it'll feel like I'm intruding. You know what I mean? So it's 9am and we are about to head out. My mom gets overwhelmed easily so she's been screaming and asking the same questions over and over again.
"Do you have the microwave?"
"Did you see the snacks I packed?"
"Do you think everything is going to fit?"

She makes things into such big ordeals which only makes me more nervous. I took a Xanax when I woke up. My doctor gave me some when I told him I'd be going away for school. I told him I'd be super anxious, so he said these would help. They make me kind of...foggy? I guess it helps.

After more yelling from my mom and muttering from my dad. We leave for school. With two cars. Because I have so many things. I ride with my dad and my grandma rides with my mom. Grammy wanted to come help with the moving process. She helps calm my mom down so I'm glad she's here.

Oh. Before we left I told my parents that when we get onto campus they aren't allowed to talk and they are to just help carry the stuff up and then leave. That might sound harsh but my mom is crazy and my dad gets angry easily and also acts embarrassing so I don't need any extra attention on me because of them.

We are about 20 minutes away and I'm getting super nervous again so I'm popping another Xanax. Two in one day isn't too bad. I hope.

We arrive to campus and there's hundreds of people everywhere. I just kind of feel like crying. I feel like everyone knows where to go and what to do yet I feel completely lost and confused.

A group of older college kids with carts came to help carry all of my stuff up which was nice of them but I was forced to talk to one girl while we waited in line for the elevator. I hate small talk with strangers. I just want to get settled in and be done with the day.

I finally get up to my room and see that my roommate has already moved in... he said he wouldn't be here until later in the day. Now I feel like everything is ruined. He's not here though. So that's good. It would be terribly awkward if he were here. Especially because I know my dad would say something stupid and because my mom is overwhelmed and screaming at me

My parents help me unload everything and I ask if they can leave. They look upset, wondering why I'm rushing them out. It's easier this way. Leave before I have time to get sad. You know? Anyways. We say our goodbyes and they leave. And now I alone. In a new room. At a new school. In a new state. And I have no idea what to do...