My Arms, Your Home

Gabriel

I watched my twin climb in bed, frowning a little. While it was certainly true that Castiel wasn’t an open person by any means...he wasn’t usually so closed off to me. He’d been like that all week, though. Too quiet...even for Cas. A few times, I’d caught him staring down at his wrist like he used to when he was cutting and it worried me. He hadn’t cut since his suicide attempt six months ago...but I knew eventually he’d start again. It wasn’t that I was being pessimistic either...it was just a fact. Cas I and had very different ways of dealing with our shit. He cut and yelled and turned into an ass. I preferred to just pretend there was nothing wrong. Neither was very healthy but it was life.

A few minutes after he’d climbed in bed, Cas was breathing deeply. He was curled into the wall, the blankets up around his face and I smiled a little. I couldn’t honestly remember a time when he hadn’t slept like that and the image made me smile. I watched him for a few more seconds before climbing into my own bed and laying back against the pillows. Sleep wouldn’t come just yet because I had to stay awake until after Castiel’s night terror but I could at least relax a little bit. My twin had been having night terrors for about three years now and I was accustomed to stopping them before they got too out of hand. The one time I hadn’t been there too stop him - Ruby had placed us in separate foster homes - Cas had attempted suicide. It was part of the reason I tended to stay awake until his night terrors were over. Sure enough, about an hour later I heard the usual sounds of his night terrors starting. He started to cry, mumbling and shoving at the wall in front of him. I stood, noting that the Winchester brothers were pointedly looking at the ceiling rather than at Cas, and reminded myself to thank them later. Cas hated people staring at him almost more than he hated Ruby. (I say almost because there was literally nothing he hated more than our bitch of a caseworker.) Sitting on the edge of Castiel’s bed, I grabbed his shoulder and rolled him to face me. His eyes snapped open and he bolted into a sitting position.

“You okay bro?” I asked.

He leaned against me, hiding his face in my chest. “I’ll be fine. It was the same fucking one again...”

“Lucifer?” I asked, spitting our older brother’s name out like the vile curse it was.

“Yeah. Just...don’t go anywhere for a sec...okay? Let me get my breathing under control first.”

“All right.”

He held onto me for another few seconds, breathing deeply. When he pulled away, his blue eyes were already closing again and I smiled. Hopefully that would be the only one for tonight. Sometimes he’d have two or three when we were in a new place but I was hoping against that tonight. Cas had been through a lot in the past couple weeks...he could use a good night’s sleep. Thankfully, my prayers were answered. There were no further nightmares that night and we were both able to fall asleep relatively easily.

We woke at 6 the next morning to the sound of our roommates – Sam and Dean they’d introduced themselves as – arguing. It wasn’t a heated argument by any means but it was sort of loud and Castiel growled lowly before pulling himself into a standing position. I opened my eyes, looking over at the two boys. Dean was glaring at Sam, holding up a small piece of silver metal. Sam, meanwhile, was looking at the floor talking in a harsh whisper. I rolled my eyes, already understanding the argument. Cutting. Cas and I had been having the same argument for the better part of 5 years now and it didn’t do any good. I’d given up on it actually. Apparently, however, Dean hadn’t. The thought made me smile as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a worn t-shirt.