The States

fear (learned/unlearned)

1940

"I'm scared," Cass says.

Riley looks away from the stars and towards the other state sitting on the hood of the car beside him.

Here, on this land split between their borders with both of their names on the deed, it's okay to admit that. Here, there was nothing but the corn and the small farmhouse and the stars. In Chicago, Cass would go back to the woman with the government job who couldn't show an ounce of emotion if she wanted to be taken seriously.

Riley doesn't ask her to elaborate. She will on her own.

"Did you know they're saying that lobotomies can cure homosexuality?"

Riley shudders.

Lobotomies had always seemed fundamentally wrong. It was one thing to cut away the diseases, and an entirely different thing to stick a knife in a functioning being's brain.

Riley and Cass aren't the same. Cass is a lesbian, always was, always will be. Riley is something else- he just doesn't feel attraction.

Both things are considered mental disorders. Both have heard therapists tell them over and over that they are wrong, that they are broken, that they are diseased.

(At home, Monty and Cam refuse to do psych evaluations anymore. Nicky and Brooke turn their backs to their Catholic roots. Cal hides who she is for the sake of her human lovers. Nate drinks and drugs himself into oblivion to forget.)

Fear is something ugly and dark in their chests, these days, where loving the wrong gender gets you a one-way ticket to the nuthouse.

1941

Alfred calls ahead to tell Sera to expect them, to get the medical equipment ready, they know neutrality is done for.

1945

Riley holds her hair back when she throws up after Dachau is liberated.

She looks at those pink triangles and almost throws up again.

The troops are mixed, but there are a few of hers here, and their presence grounds her enough that she doesn't.

(There are no women wearing those pink triangles. She isn't sure she wants to know what became of the women like her.)

<<<<<<<<<<<

Tim looks as sick as she is when he tells her what became of lesbians in these camps.

He doesn't meet her eyes when he tells her what happened to the ones with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Cass can't look in the mirror for a long time after that.

1953

The United States watches as Eisenhower signs Executive Order 10450.

They watch as homosexuals are banned from government work.

Cal runs her hands through her hair. "Is it too late to get Truman back?"

No one laughs.

1954

Cass shows up in Indianapolis one day, tears streaming down her face.

She smiles weakly. "They fired me. One of the guys complained. They fired me. No questions asked."

1957