The States

something tragic about you

tw: implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced self-harm 

i.

Austin jerks his arm away when he feels Brooke brush her thumb up one of the scars running the length of his forearms, instantly pulled from his half asleep doze.

"Don't wake up Callie," Brooke chastises, voice soft, even when paired with her sleep-thick accent.

Brooke brings his hand up to kiss his knuckles when he doesn't respond. Reflexively, he cups her cheek, letting her nuzzle against his palm.

"Alamo, right?" She continues once Austin's relaxed again.

The question is like a bucket of ice water to the senses.

"How-" Austin abruptly remembers that Brooke is old enough to have heard about his stunt at the Alamo. "Nevermind."

"Yes," he tells her when he realizes he didn't answer her.

Brooke is quiet enough that he would have thought she fell asleep if he didn't know better. Cal shifts in her sleep, tucking her face against Austin's side.

"Will they..." Austin trails off.

"They're your first life scars, they may fade but they'll never fully go away," Brooke tells him before he can get the question out. It's easier to appreciate Brooke's bluntness when she's not destroying any hope he had left that the scars would go away.

Austin processes that, accepting it even though it makes his heart sink. He'd made his bed, and he'd lie in it without complaint if it meant his people were free. "Where's yours?"

Brooke has more scars than he does, but Austin has the creeping feeling he'll catch up sooner rather than later. Austin can't even begin to guess which one it is.

Brooke doesn't answer him aloud, just pulls his hand away from her face and down to a scar just left of her sternum. It's small, not much bigger than a fingertip. "The exit wound's on my back."

She sounds disinterested, maybe even bored, but Austin knows she's not.

Brooke is complicated, but she's not as cold as some of the others say she is. She's not heartless, just... guarded. For good reason.

"I died for someone who hated me." Brooke says after a few beats of silence.

Austin would shrug, if Cal wasn't asleep on him. "Doesn't mean it didn't mean anything. Meant something to him, I'd bet."

"Thank you," Brooke whispers, voice a little rough on the edges, and Austin has to wonder how many people have told her that her life meant something before.

Brooke wraps her hand around his wrist, fingertips over the scar. She does it slowly, waiting for him to pull away. He doesn't.

She's the first person to ever touch the scars. Alejandra had just cried when she saw them and Alfred had thought he'd wanted space. Carmen had been upset with him and she wasn't the affectionate type to begin with.

"Other people might judge you for what you had to do, but I never will. I understand."

Some part of him might always be in love with her, just for that gentle compassion in that one moment.

ii.

"Elizabeth thinks I should run away," Evangeline says conversationally as he stitches her back together, like she's talking about the weather rather than defecting.

Austin pauses. "And?"

"And I'm asking your opinion on the matter."

Austin thinks, quietly finishing her stitches. Thirteen more stitches to add to all the other ones he's done for her.