The Demons Among Us

Victory on the Western Front

The next day I marched to school like a soldier. For the first time in a long time I felt proud of myself. Proud for doing something I never imagined I could do. I always looked at self harm on T.V and thought how could they do that? Not out of disgust but just thinking I was too weak to do that. But now that weakness vanished and I was made strong. I felt ready to engage the war of my life, with my home wold attacking me on one side and school attacking me on the other. They were no match for me anymore.

Even though the weather was warming up, I made sure to wear a sweater. A nice long one that hung a little past my fingertips covering every single mark on my arm. Then I saw Sierra talking with one of my old friends and instead of avoiding her like I normally do, I walked straight past her. She looked at me disgusted but I just smiled and flipped her off finally doing what she had deserved for a very long time.

As the day went on my power never waned, I was in science class and actually found it in me to socialize. I talked to the girl across from me, the one who asked for my sharpener blades and even talked to the guy that sat next to me.

He had pitch hair that hung in his face gothic style and he always wore band t-shirts most of them I never recognized. He was always nice to me and laughed at every stupid joke I made. There was always something feminine about him and made me think he was anything but straight but I never said anything. His name was Michael and he became a pretty close friend of mine.

When I went to P.E it was picture day and everyone sat in the bleachers until we got our name cards to give to the photographers. There was this fat short kid at the bottom whom I used to be friends with and he kept turning around looking at me.

I decided to say something,"What are you looking at?"

"A girl who had sex with Pete," he replied.

My face got hot,"That's not true."

"Then why are you blushing?" he smiled victorious,"She had sex with Pete. She had sex with Pete," he sang over and over again.

"Stop it," I warned but he didn't, "Stop it," I said louder.

"Or what?" he dared.

"I will slap you," I said matter of fact.

"She had sex with," I flew down the steps and before I knew it my palm collided with his cubby cheek. He sat there in disbelief and I returned to my seat trying to keep from smiling. I won this time. Not them.

The rest of the year was good. Word spread that I slapped a fool and no one dared to get me irked. Summer came and the loneliness was startling. I wasn't expecting to be so isolated but I tolerated it. 8th grade year started and was going fine but as expected things changed. Lynn began hanging out with other people, which was fine because I can't keep her under lock and chain, but it was strange for me since she was the only one that I really felt comfortable with. I began to get closer to Edith and Megan and an old friend from elementary moved back to our school and began keeping Maribel company so we all pretty much had our little clicks. My nausea was still a prominent issue but it was one that was never spoken of in my household. As the year progressed, I noticed Lynn becoming more and more distant. Physically she was close like she always ate lunch right around me but she never looked at me anymore and she was fully absorbed in the other two girls she hung out with. So I felt I was losing her and instead of being smart and trying to get involved with them, I despised them. Not Lynn necessarily but the other two. I don't know why I didn't like them I just didn't they weren't bitches or anything don't get me wrong. They were very nice, they just weren't for me. On top of that I began to sin more and more into depression and cutting and stopped doing homework and gave up on school. I made it a point to make it clear to Lynn that I wasn't trying. It was wrong but I wanted to know someone was still there for me. She kept pushing it away not believing it was the truth. So I pushed her away.

I found comfort in Cat and lost myself in her ways. I became the stereo typical emo girl, replacing my pastel closet with black and making my room the only place I would breathe. Everyday I went to school I pushed Lynn and her two friends away and kept close with Edith and my other pretty friends.

Time past and I got worse. At home my mom got more and more ill tempered and my brother got harder and harder to handle leaving my dad and I to suffer their wrath. It was towards the end of the year when Lynn came up to me.

"I need to talk to you," her voice was serious and set me on edge.

"What is there to talk about?" I kept walking but she stopped me.

"What is going on with you? You're not doing your work or acting how you used to act what's wrong? I'm your best friend you can tell me anything," I'm sure exactly how the rest of the conversation went but I know I never told her the truth. I just kept saying I was fine and not to worry about me. When it was all said and done, I thought I was going to feel better knowing that some one actually gave a shit but I didn't. I felt worse. I felt like I let her down and was a disappointment in her eyes and it hurt. I messed up a really good thing and I didn't know what it would take to fix it. So I just kept to myself. Summer vacation began and it did nothing to help my mood. I was stuck in a house that constantly reminded me that I was not good enough.

"Your brother got a 4.0." I did too.

"Your brother can run a mile in 9 minutes 21 seconds," I can run it in 10.

"Your brother learned to use a camera," I know how to play the piano. I knew greek mythology like the back of my hand. I could write in cursive and arial and curlz MT fonts, but none of that mattered. When I was brought up in conversations, I was the misfit. That one child everyone doesn't want because they have a rebellious tweak to them or they just have that sheer luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And Shane was held as the glory child, working on his Eagle Scout, always getting flawless grades, and above all never screwing up. So to say the least, Freshman year didn't come soon enough.