I'm depressed. I don't know why but i am. I have a bad case of the blues. All i want to do is cry. All I've been doing lately is cry. I wake up crying. I go to sleep crying. I feels so fucking empty inside. I wonder to myself what did i do to deserve all this pain. Well I'm not feeling much pain but i sure do feel fucking empty. I just want it to go away. I want to enjoy life. Not hate it. I'm tired of always crying and messing up my make up. I'm tired of fighting for my life. I barely have the strength anymore. Like no one understands. No one listens. I tell you I'm hurting but you don't care. You say you're there for me but where are you? I'm exhausted. I'm so fucking exhausted. I can't deal with this pain anymore. Especially all these damn emotions. I don't know how to handle them. I'm in pain. I'm asking for help. But no one listens. No one believes me. Can't you tell this is slowly killing me. I feel myself get weaker and weaker everyday. I'm not sure how much longer i can fight. It gets harder and harder every fucking day. I feel so empty so numb. What is my purpose? I just can't. It's so fucking hard. I'm scared that one of these days I'll cave in. I'll lose. That this depression is gonna swallow me whole. And once i slip into that darkness i won't be able to get out. That terrifies me. But all i can do apparently is pray and hope for the best. And apparently i can do this but it's so hard. It's so hard fighting this alone. Scared to let anyone in because all you ever do is get hurt. I hate myself i really do. I'll always hate myself. I don't know why but i do.
