I Am His Obsession

07. Am I in love with him?

Another day of shopping spent well but we both were tired.
"What are you cooking for dinner? " he asked as we both carried two huge bags filled with all kinds of household things.
"I don't know yet" I mumbled as we placed all the things on the floor beside couch.
Honestly I was not in mood for cooking, I was tired I want to say him that can we order from online or somewhere else, but then I remember his words that he wants to keep an account how much we monthly spend on our home expenses
"We need to segregate" I thought looking at different types of things in these covers.
"Right" faheem's cutting voice made me realise I said it out loud.
That's how the 'set up the home' thing started. I don't know if this marriage is real, fake or a dream from which I haven't woken up yet. But that moment, where I was stocking up the kitchen and faheem was filling the refrigerator, I felt it.
This is my home. The place where I have to live from now on.
But what about him? What's going on in his mind?
I sighed and continued with my work in the kitchen. Once the refrigerator and kitchen were done I started cooking. Faheem continued arranging things in each room while I was at it.
I was Too tired I couldn't cook anything more than dal and rice. And ofcourse his favorite boondi Rayta.
The dinner was a quiet affair. We were sitting in front of each other on the four seater dining table. We were having dinner silently, My eyes kept reaching him on their own. But not even once did I notice him look at me.
"What?" He asked.
I shook my head then took a deep breath. Now is the right time, "what are you expecting from this marriage?" I asked.
The amusement was gone from his eyes and he just stared at me. "Whatever a husband should expect from his wife" he replied in an emotionless way.
This side of him was not new to me but it was very unwelcome.
"Which are?" I asked and gave him an expression to elaborate
"Love. Honest. Loyalty. Family. Sex" he recited like it was maths formula which he has been reciting for years.
"Oh" my mouth fell open
I didn't know how to respond. I drank some water to moisten my sudden dry throat.
I cleared my throat and looked up to see that he was already staring at me intensely. His gaze curious, curious of what I will say,
"You have my loyalty and honesty. There will be no one else in my life as long as I am your wife. But..."
"But?"
"But I am not going to sleep with you", I said.
No. I cannot. It would be too much. Moving on from him was like a walk on hot burning charcoal. Difficult and painful. Being physical with him will just worsen my situation. Because I know that he is an emotionless bastard. It would be only me who has to suffer in the end.
"You will" his voice pierced my thoughts. I looked up into his eyes which were staring at me with arrogance and confidence.
"No. I won't" I said confused by his reply
"Yes you will. You will sleep with me and that too willingly" he smirked and get up and collecting the plates in which he was eating.
"Why would I do that?" I got up from the table, and took those plates from his hands. Dumping the left overs in the dustbin, He stops me to doing that and said "next time don't waste food"
I nodded.

"So Are you trying to tell me that you plan to stay virgin for the rest of your life?" He stood in front of me, trapping me in between his ape like body and the kitchen counter.
I am guessing he took a shower. Because there was this heavy fragrance around him which was doing crazy things to me. Suddenly I had doubts on my own words. Can I possibly try to keep my virtue intact with this man living under the same roof as me?
"And what about kids?" He moved closer and his voice huskier.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to control myself but that just worsened the situation because I inhaled more of his intoxicating scent.
"You were all about having my babies back then when we were Young may be around 15-16. Don't you want them now?" That did the trick. Reminding me of those old times was like pouring ice cold water on me.
"I wasn't mature enough. And you Know that I was joking that time."
He smirked and lean forward.
With the new found strength I pushed him.
I pushed him away from me and he stumbled back frowning in confusion.
I walked away from him and into my room and locked myself.
I slid down the door in deep thought. It was as if the history was repeating.
I was in grade 5 when he proposed me, and I promised him to be his loyal wife. I was too young to understand such vows, emotions. As soon as we grown up his love for me getting more pure and loyal. I consider myself lucky that someone can love me this much but i never seen him like a husband or as a lover.
Apart from this the only thing which was bothering me was How to call him?
Usman Abdullah, my groom I betrayed him he needs to know the truth.
He is really a nice person, he texted me when I was in Delhi-
"why did you do this to me? I am sure there is story behind it. You're not a person who can ruined her and her family's name for a boy. Call me or text me back. Usman"
I didn't have the courage to call him or text him back. But he owes me an explanation.
By the thought of these I fell asleep.