What Went Wrong

Chapter IV: Who's To Blame

My phone rang and I glanced at the screen as I exited the laundry room and headed towards my bedroom. I dumped a load of whites onto my bed and started folding the clothes with trembling hands. I already knew who it was so I ignored the ringing. I will call back later. Maybe. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone at this moment. What Ava said really fucked with me. I would do anything to get Jayla back. Anything.

I have been doing a lot of thinking since the meeting. Ava basically accused our daughter's death of being the reason we failed. I came to the conclusion years ago that that was simply not true. I told her over and over that it wasn't her fault but my reassurance fell on deaf ears. Jayla's death caused a rift between Ava and I but it was the reason I stopped loving her. Ava was the reason why but she was too delusional to see otherwise. My phone stop ringing and shortly after it beeped, notifying me of a text message I just received. I sighed and stopped folding my clothes. I looked at the message:

"Can I come over?"

I needed to get my mind off Ava, my dead daughter, and this whole divorce situation. I replied with a mere yes. I continued folding my clothes and waited for her arrival.

Next Week

I grabbed my mug and gulped down the remaining of my luke-warm coffee. I squealed a little when a few drops trickled down my chin and onto my white button-up.

"Shit."

I was in the process of getting ready. Another unnecessary meeting was occurring this morning between my soon-to-be ex-wife and I. Ava needed to get her act together and do what needs to be done. Divorce should not be this hard when it is what we both want. Our lawyers both proposed the idea of allowing a divorce mediator to sit in so they can help us reach an agreement. We both had very stable careers and were financially secured so I don't understand why we can't just agree to split everything 50/50. We both stated the house should be put on the market and we can both split the profit since it was paid off. This was just another reason for Ava to make my life a living hell. I did not want to make this ugly but if we have to... let's just say I have no issue with getting my hands dirty.

I changed my shirt, exited my apartment and headed to the meeting.

I entered the office building with a smug look on my face. I did not want to be here. After receiving directions from the receptionist, I headed towards Dr. Carter's office.

A white man, who I am guessing is the mediator, was seated at the desk as I walked into his office. I took notice of the dull grey walls and smell of the vanilla scented candle that burned on his desk. Ava was already there. She looked my way as I sat down. She huffed which made me give her what the fuck does that mean type of look.

"You know how the infamous saying goes: 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else," she scolded.

I ignored the statement. I guess she noticed the hickeys on my neck. I honestly thought I did a better job of covering them up. I knew what Camara and I were doing was wrong but it did not feel wrong. It's only been a few weeks into the divorce process and I was already having casual sex with one of my coworkers from work. What we were doing was wrong because I was technically still a married man but I ensured her my marriage been over.

"Jayla would be so disappointed," she muttered.

I took a deep breath, trying to come up with a way to respond to her calmly.

"You really love bringing Jayla into this like you did not cause this! Stop playing the victim role, Ava. Own up to your bullshit!"

"Own up to yours!", she fired back.

The mediator just sat there watching as we continued to go at each other's throats.

"I did multiple times and you never listened! You turned your back on me even after I forgave you for what happened to Jayla! Even after I forgave you for everything. How many times did I warn you that this would happen? I told you over and over! But did you listen?" I clenched my jaw as I looked at her. Guilt was in her eyes.

"What do you guys want out of this? How do you want to end this?'" interrupted the mediator.

"Honestly," I sighed, "I just want this to be over so I can move on."

"Ava." Dr. Carter looked at her to respond.

"I just want Jayla's necklace back."

I chuckled. "You must be dumber than I thought."

"But it was given to me."

I turned my head towards Ava who was now holding back tears.

She continued, "By you. You gave it to me. So it is mine."

Nine Years Ago

The magnitude of despair in my eyes was obvious as I concentrated on the photo of Jayla in front of me. It showcased her toothless smile. It was the one from her very first Christmas. I remember Ava telling me there was no reason to buy her so many gifts since she will not remember this day when she was olde-.

My thoughts were interrupted as Ava squeezed my hand. She hasn't talked much since the accident. Everyone looked at us with sorrowful eyes as they offered their condolences not knowing exactly what to say. Ava's face was nearly covered with huge black shades, yet, the scars from the accident can be seen. And not just the physical ones. I had to bathe her this morning, get her dress and convince her to come here.

As the service went, she cried silently to herself. I sat there, looking at Jayla's picture.

~~~

I wrapped my arms tightly around Ava, holding her close as the rain poured down on us. My other hand held the umbrella above us, keeping us dry. We stared at the grave in front of us.

"We should go Ava." The burial ended about two hours ago but Ava refused to leave. I told her parents that we will be okay. But now, I am not too sure.

When Ava did not answer me, I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box. I took out the necklace and placed it in her hand. She looked up at me.

"I bought this the day I found out we were going to bring a child into this world. I wanted her to wear this as a reminder of the joy she brought me. I want you to have this because of the joy you brought me by bringing my child into this world. You will forever be her mother. It is not fair that we can not hold her right now, see her take her first steps, or-." I tried to keep the tears from falling but once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. I bent forward and cried uncontrollably.

Ava embraced me and spoke her first words all day.

"This is all my fault. I should have been the one who died."