Here for you

Chapter 3

||||||TRIGGER WARNING self harm\ depression.

I'm headed to my new home nervous does not describe the anxiety I feel. I'm sitting in a car next to a man that I don't know. Who I'm supposed to call Dad now. why couldn't he have picked a different girl I mean come on I don't deserve this. But I'm supposed to be excited. I'm supposed to want to finally have a family. But I don't. Why would I? I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear a deep voice say, Are you hungry? I'm starving but don't want to be a bother so I just say, I'm fine.
You sure I really don't mind going somewhere. He says. It's ok.

About 10 minuets later

We pull up to this mansion and then I knew it...he's a drug dealer. I'd never met one in person I thought they were made up but now now I know that he is a drug dealer.

I grab my book bag with my few things in it...all my things in it. But I don't need or want a lot of things. We walk in side and as soon as I do a dog runs up to me. This is circa my "dad" says. Idk what to call him we're gonna run with "Dad". Let me show you to your room he says taking my bag from me.

We walk up some stairs and he leads me into what I'm guessing is my new room. I'm..excited? I guess..I don't know. I've have the feeling like I'm on a roller coaster I've never been on and I don't know if I'm going up hill or down hill left or right. He pulls me out of my thoughts again by saying Make yourself at home you'll meet the roommates later. Anything you need? I'm ok I reply blankly. Ok just tell me if you do. Ok. He shuts the door behind him and I'm left wondering what kinda rollercoaster I just got on. Roommates? Who are they? How old are they? Are they nice? Are they murders? I have all these unanswered questions but I just sit down on my new bed and decide I deserve a nap.

I wake up to the sound of yelling not like screaming just like arguing. And me being like any normal nosey person I listen. Are you KIDDING me we can't raise a child in a house like THIS! A deep voice shouts. This is EXACTLY what I mean you are immature no MATURE person would go out and adopt a kid they AREN'T ready for! I MEAN REALLY ELTON I MEAN COME ON DUDE!

By now I've stopped listening and I can still hear them it just sounds like mumbling though. I can't believe Ive already caused a problem and haven't even been here a full day.
This is why no one can love me. I can't even love me. Yet I expect someone else to be able to I'm pathetic.

And now I'm crying cause I'm weak and pathetic. I walk over to my bag and pull out a small box. I love and hate this box. But I'm the only person who knows about this box and the things inside it.

I open it up and pull out the small blade. I carefully slide it across my wrist.
I go to do another but I hear a knocking at the door. I stutter out a oone mminute please and quickly keep my secret a secret.
I don't have time to put bandage on my wrist so I just pull my sleeve down and hope for the best.

I open the door to reveal my "dad" Ready to meet your new roommates? He says kinda peppy. Can I later I just don't feel the best right now. Well does tomorrow at breakfast sound ok? I'll make pancakes. I sheepishly smile and say that sounds wonderful. Alright night he says and closes the door.

I apply bandage to my cuts a few from yesterday that I put bandage on just in case they bleed. And as I'm drifting off back to sleep I think about how this day is changing my entire life. I wonder what it will be like to have a family cause everyone says it's great and wonderful but I don't think it is. I just don't get the big deal. Cause I've had a dad before and I DON'T want that again but I'm getting it anyways.

All the other girls wanted a family. A mom and/or Dad. They probably didn't have a dad. Cause having a dad is terrible I would rather spend my whole life at that orphanage. I hate that place too. But here I am getting another Dad. Maybe this will be good...maybe for a little while. It was good with my dad for a little while. And then not so good but that's how it is for everyone. Right?

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It's still a short chapter I know but I'm trying to make them longer. 💛💛💛

The word count is:853
—madi💕