"This is the last video I will be making on this channel."
As we all know Connor posted his last video on our 2nd life on July 7th, 2014.
Like every other Monday, I went on youtube to watch Connor's new o2l video. I was expecting another funny video that can always bring a smile to my face. What I actually found broke my heart.
Connor's video "A New Chapter" was one of the most heart wrenching things I have watched in a while. In the video he explained that he wasn't happy with the videos he was putting out and youtube was starting to become more of a job than something he loved doing. He said that he felt like he was letting down the fans and the other 5 boys on the channel and that's the last thing he wanted.
The fact that Connor is leaving o2l isn't the sad part for me. Yeah, I'm always going to go on youtube and check for Connors Monday o2l video and when I remember that there isn't one, that there probably never will be again, I will feel so empty and sad. But the part that just killed me was the fact that he has been so sad for so long. He said that he's been sad for about 6 months now and that the quality of his work had been slipping because of that. He didn't want to come on a camera and have to fake a smile.
Finding out that somebody who makes me so happy, who can always make me smile and laugh like Connor, has been so sad for a long time now just breaks my heart. None of us even noticed how he might have been hurting. In Connor's videos he's always so happy. He's always smiling and laughing. He's always doing some random shit and just being himself. To find out that he has actually been hurting all of this time just makes me extremely sad.
The fact that he kept apologizing and saying that he loved us and the channel so much is what broke me. I started crying almost as soon as the video started because he looked so sad, but when he said "please don't hate me" it really broke my heart. He thinks that we could hate him for making a decision that will make him happy. I could never hate Connor. I just want him to be happy because he honestly make me so happy no matter how shitty my life has been. I can always escape to youtube and Connor Franta is one of the people who can make me smile and laugh so hard I cry. He needed to make this decision for himself and I'm so proud of him. I'm proud because he's doing what makes him happy even though it was probably such a hard choice to make.
He means so much to me and I honestly respect his choice to stop making videos for our 2nd life. I am going to miss him starting off my week with his frantastic videos and his cute smile but as long as Connor is happy, I'm happy.
"For one last time, I love you guys." - Connor Franta 2014
