Obey Ana

Chapter 2: Love and Lust

I walked back into the classroom and all eyes were on me.

" Will you please take your seat?" Ms.Jacobs said.

I quickly walked to the back and sat down with the girls.

"You looked freaked." Amanda whispered to me.

"Just a little bit." I replied.

"What happened?" She asked curiously.

"I'll tell you later."

It seemed forever until the class was finally over but when it was i grabbed Amanda by her arm and walked to the stairwell that almost no one ever went to.

"What's going on? she asked.

"Did you know there was a group dedicated to Anorexia?"

"What. How do you know?"

"They tried to recruit me in their little games. It's sick."

"It's not sick."

"How can you say that? Anorexia is not okay."

" Look, i've thought about being apart of their little group. Don't you see what they do? They help people. They helped me and they can help you."

"You know about them? What do you mean they can help me. I'm not fat."

"Keep telling yourself that Dani. You've been looking a little bloated lately."

She pulled her backpack up on her shoulders to keep it from falling and then she walked away. I looked down and my stomach because to be honest, i was paranoid of being that girl i used to be. I didn't want to be her again.

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"I'm home." i said as i walked through the door.

My dad was sitting on the couch reading the daily newspaper as usual and my mom was no where to be found. As usual.

"How was school?" He asked.

"It was cool, hey um is it okay if Ryan comes over later?" I asked.

"Your gay friend? Sure honey."

"Dad he's not gay, he's my boyfriend."

"Nope wrong answer. He's not allowed in this house then."

"Dad please! Don't you trust me."

He got up and sighed, "Fine. But no frickle frackling. No babies ok kid?" He said as he got his jacket ready to return to work.

"Of course dad." I said tired of hearing the same speech over and over again.

I went upstairs to my room excited that Ryan finally would get the chance to come over. I've asked my dad plenty of times so i couldn't believe he finally gave in this time. I froze when i got into a normal state of mind and realized what was about to happened. Ryan was coming over. To my house. No parents for hours.

I got up and went straight to the mirror. What if he wants to do more than just hang? What if...

'Bloated'

'Gaining your weight back'

What if he sees my body. NO. I couldn't start thinking like that. My body was exactly the way i wanted it to be. I was skinny but not too skinny. I was the perfect size.  I went back to my bed and sat down thinking about Ryan. I couldn't stop smiling, i loved him so much.

Knock knock knock.

He was finally here. I looked in the mirror one more time, fixed my hair, and put on lip gloss.

 I walked down the stairs and headed towards the door, i stopped and took a deep breath.

As i opened the door i felt my heart speed up and it was beating rapidly.

"Hey babe." Ryan said as he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey." I replied.

We've been alone before but not completely alone. Not like this.

I showed him around a little bit and then we went to my room.

"And this is my room..." I said opening the door.

My room was pink and girly so i was kind of shy to let him see it.

"Wow, so you truly are barbie." He said jokingly.

"And you're my Ken." i replied.

"No no no." He said smiling.

He grabbed me by my waist and slowly bumped me again the bedroom door.

"I love you so much." He said softly.

"I love you too."

i felt my cheeks turning red and i think my heart probably fell out of my chest. He kissed me on the lips and then my forehead. After that he went and sat on my bed.

"Let's watch a movie." He said smiling.

Wait. What. We were alone. Freaking ALONE and he wanted to watch a movie? A movie?!

I sat down next to him and started kissing down his neck.

"Wouldn't you rather do something else?" I asked.

He pulled away from me and said, "Dani i want to watch a movie okay?"

"But why?" i asked demanding an answer.

"Because i just want to okay?"

"But we're finally alone Ryan. We've been dating for forever. Don't you want me?!" I asked feeling a little hurt.

"I just don't want to have sex with you okay?!" He said.

My heart broke into a million pieces. That really hurt me.

"Okay." I said quietly, "I get it."

"Dani I didn't mean."

"Yes you did. I get it Ryan." 

I sat further away from him as he turned on a movie. I felt him looking at me every now and then and even though i really wanted to cry, i tried my best to hold it in.

"Dani you know i didn't mean it like that." He said looking straight at me.

I tried to keep my composure and i tried to keep my tears in, but as i started to talk they slowly came out.

"Then what did you mean Ryan? You don't want to have sex with me but you say you love me. Do you love me?"

"Yes i love you!" He cuffed my face in his hands and he said, "Please, I do want you. You have no idea how badly i want you."

"Then why won't you.. Is it because i'm a virgin?" I asked.

Ryan was the most popular guy in the school, before me he dated tons of girls. Hooked up with tons of girls. So why was it a problem now?

"No, well yes. I just I want your first time to be really special."

He wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed me on the cheek.

I smiled feeling a little better about the situation, but something deep down inside, something dark and manipulating was telling me something. Something that i never wanted to cross my mind.