DEAR DAIRY,

chapter 1(real one)

Warning this has suicidal thoughts! If you get triggered please do not read!

Dear diary,
Today was terrible. I didn't eat and I didn't sleep. Mom asked how I was doing and I just smiled. That smile was fake. As fake as I am. I hate myself and know that everyone else hates me too. School was the same. Same bitches that always take the effort to make me feel like shit. And my friends, friends,huh I don't even think they count as friends. Friends are supposed to make you feel accepted and loved, but my "friends" make me feel useless. I hate that. I hate that everyone can make me feel like shit 24/7. I wish I could shrivel up in a ball and die. I would do anything to die. Yes. Death is the answer. I pretend that my life is perfect but deep inside I know my life has no meaning. No meaning to me,my mom,or my "friends". I fell as if the world is against me. School makes it worse. I try to talk to the teachers and all they say is "this will pass" and "things will get better". Did things get better when my sister killed herself?!. No. No because no one helped her. Not even me. I had no idea she was suffering. Suffering so bad that she ended her life. She too felt useless. And I hate myself for not realizing she was in pain too. My mom asked why I wear long sleeves all the time. I simply said it was because I was cold. But I knew the truth. The truth that I was trying to cover my cuts. The cuts that reminded me I was still living. I thought that if I could fell the pian that meant I was alive. But I could no longer feel the pain. Because of that I  cut more. I'm so sure I will fell the pain again someday. I cut until there is no where left to cut.m y body is covered in scares. But it doesn't bother me. Im so tired but I don't want to sleep. I'm so hungry but I won't eat. I won't eat because I only feel pretty when I'm hungry. I need to go, I'm running out of room to write. Thanks for Listening today diary. I'm glad your here.