DEAR DAIRY,

chapter 2

Dear diary,
I give up. I give up all hope that someday all this will pass. I just want this to end. Today I tried telling my counselor that I wanted to commit suicide. All she could say was that I'm trying to get attention. Haha. Yep. It's all for attention. I guess that's just how suicidal people are seen. Attention wanters. Yes!. That's why we cut. That's why we starve. For attention. Attention because no one gives a fuck about us. Well I say fuck them. Fuck them for judging me. I'm sorry my life sucks. I'm sorry that I'm not a fighter. But you know what?, Who needs them. All people ever do is jump to conclusions. I wonder if that's why relationship don't last. They don't last because everyone jumps to conclusions. Just like my friends parents. Today my friend came out lesbian. I'm so happy for her. Her parents on the other had aren't. They yelled and told her that she would burn in hell if she loves someone of her own sex. She came to me crying. Crying because she didn't want to sin. But how is loving someone a sin?. She said that she wasn't going to love someone. Someone of the same sex even if her happiness was put to hold. She currently lives with my sister, who supports her. I wish I was like that,Supportive. Supportive of myself. It's so easy to to make someone else feel like they are loved, but it's hard to do yourself. After school I went to the coffee shop down the road. Xxxx was there. She came over and grabbed my hair. She whispered that I was faking it like my sister. That's when I lost it. I couldn't handle it anymore. I flipped her over and started pounding her face in. I was a monster. I yelled and threw my jacket off. I showed the whole world my cuts,burns,and scares. I didn't care what they thought of me. All I wanted was to prove that I was hurting. The cops came and separated me and her. I wasn't pressed charges since her mom knew my sister. She is only 1 of 2 people who knew my sister was hurting. Even then no one helped her. I went home and my mom grabbed me. Sobbing her eyes out. she asked why I didn't tell her. I just smiled and said I'm fine. She didn't believe me. She yelled and said your not fine. She grabbed me and hugged me tight. Wow. I need to leave. I'm sorry if I'm cutting it off early this time. I'm supposed to be sleeping. I'm officially crazy. I'm talking to a diary. At least you listen.