Josh rushes to my side, a worried look in his eyes and my leather bag in his hand.
“Josh?” I croak out. My throat sore and scratchy.
“Shh Kailah. We don’t have much time. I packed the essentials. Food, water, a face washer and a change of clothes.”
“What are you doing here?! You’re going to get yourself killed!”
“You’d do the same for me. Wouldn’t you.” I only manage a nod. I am too shocked to move. “This train will take you away from here.”
“How- how are you here?” I splutter out.
“I took Dad’s shift to make up for missing mine today. I made sure the door to this carriage was unlocked before I left.” He sweeps me into one of his award-winning hugs. I was wrong. Our friendship wasn’t over. It just had to seem like it in case this didn’t work.
“I- I...” My voice trails off. There is nothing to say. What needed to be said has been said. I just squeeze Josh tighter. This is the only way I can say thank you. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. I can hear the calls of the man from the front of the train. He must be wondering what’s taking so long. I feel Josh’s hug loosen and I know that we’ve run out of time.
“You’ll be okay.” He says reassuringly and with one last squeeze, Josh is gone and the door shut behind him, leaving only small slivers of light from between the wood. I can hear him explaining to the other man why he took so long, not telling the truth obviously, and then giving him the all clear.
“Any traffic on the tracks?”
“None at all, sir. You’ll have a smooth trip tonight.” Josh is using the fake accent again. The train lurches forwards and I crawl to the left side of the carriage and squint out though a hole in the wood. There’s a flash of Josh’s shirt and we’ve passed right by him. I tuck myself under the blanket and let the wave of emotion that I’ve been holding back wash over me, wracking my body with sobs and sniffles. I cry until there are no tears left.
I lay still for hours until I feel rage bubbling inside of me, burning hot. It’s like a fire in the pit of my stomach, with tongues of fire licking at my throat. I bunch up the blanket, the clean side, and scream into it. Just scream until my voice cracks and my throat is as dry as bone. My screams continue in silence, unheard and nonexistent, but it calms the inferno raging inside of me, leaving the flames to settle in my throat. The train has picked up a steady pace now, rattling along the long forgotten tracks.
I think about that conversation with my mother. The trigger to the problem. Everything my father and I ever knew or thought. Everything I told her. All our work, ruined. Over. Our plans we made before they took him away from me. They took him from ME. Not my mother, not Celta. Me. The plans I promised to carry out. They were finished. I tried to forget them when he was taken but they’re etched into my brain like words on a page.
I remember sitting with him on the rock where Josh and I now sit. It was our place. Only we knew it existed.
“Kailah, they will come for me. One day. I don’t know when, but they will.”
“Okay...” My voice sounds so young when I think back.
“You have to keep going. Stay with the team. They’ll help you. You can’t give up. Don’t let them win.” These words stop my thoughts. “Don’t let them win.” . The words hit me hard and I can’t figure out why. I think of every conversation and exchange I’ve had with my father. Nothing. Not one ounce of recognition. It’s frustrating and the thought of my father causes my crying to come back in painful jabs and shakes, aggravating my throat again.
