Too Late

[IX] moment #1

Soundtrack: Sinatras "Somethin' Stupid" & Stevie Nicks "You May Be the One"

When Lindsey went back to bed, he fell into a deep sleep. But then he was taken to the bittersweet. She was right down the middle of his dreams, as always. He was transported back to one of their nights.

As many years as Stevie and Lindsey had been duking it out and wavering between loving and hating and making love and fighting and not speaking, there were only a handful of especially notable times between them that Lindsey dwelled on. These were what he unofficially called "The Lindsey and Stevie Moments." They were memories that he memorized second by second and then studied in his mind. He could not let them go, and they would not let him go.

Unfortunately, his and Stevie's earlier Moments (those further into the past) seemed not to visit him as often. He did not get the luxury of emotionally distancing himself due to the boundaries of time. Instead, his dreams and daytime thoughts brought him to the big three Moments of the 21st century. The night of his engagement party. The day the 'war between worlds' ended. And a mash-up of the day after Christmas in 2017 and MusiCares.

Tonight, fate gave him a reprieve and chose for him the least miserable of the three. That time in 2011 did not end with him blissfully riding off into the sunset with the love of his life. But it gave them some minute bit of hope and ended their distance and their emotional divorce. It allowed Stevie to know that just because he was married didn't mean that he had moved on and it didn't mean she had been replaced as the love of his life, his one and only.

For once, his dreams were a balm to the soul.

The only problem was that once he woke up, he would be miserable again. Possibly more miserable than when he went to sleep.

Because the Big Three Moments were not capital 'H' Happy. Oh no, they were the forks in the road of his life. They were the big milestones. Not your typical death-birth-marriage-new job type of milestones, but they were the Moments between he and Stevie where Choices with a capital 'C' were made. They defined the Buckingham Nicks destiny. For each of the Three, Lindsey and Stevie as a fated pair survived. But these Choices also did nothing to bring them together. They brought Lindsey and Stevie to the point where they were now.

But perhaps Lindsey was blessed. His agony would fuel his commitment to his cause. He would dream and desire and anguish, but most of all, he would remember why he loved Stevie. He would remember why he had to fight. If he didn't, he would lose everything.

***

***

In 2011, Stevie saw a change in Lindsey. So Soldier's Angel...

He came to her house. He was humble. He worked well with Dave, surprisingly. He was like the beautiful, sexy young man she had fallen in love with when she was only a kid. He was now what she always thought he could be.

That allure was too much for her. It felt like forever since she had last truly had him in any sense. They had always been afraid to break the ice, since that last hideous fight in 1998 when the whole truth came out about Kristen and the baby and his betrayal. 

But 2011 meant that Stevie and Lindsey were StevieandLindsey again. They impulsively jumped headlong back into their intimate relationship.

After the recording for the day was through, Lindsey stayed late one night. He did not end up going home until morning. 

Everyone else had departed hours ago. Stevie and  Lindsey talked about nothing important. But the depth of what they didn't say, the looks in their heated stares said it all. It had been enough (to bridge the gap between them) at that time. 

At that point, no words were needed. They were still in love. One simple fact that they had each denied since the year 2000. They reforged a bond against their reignited, burning need for each other.

In the shadows of the night, when Lindsey was happily sated and exhausted and calm, she caught him off guard with a stunning declaration. 

She was emotional. Her walls had been torched, and she was vulnerable. Being in Lindsey's arms again made her say things she would not say otherwise. 

"I love you, Lindsey. I gave up in 1998, but I want another chance. Please, I-"

"Steph, I just can't," Lindsey cut her off, desperately beseeching her for a way out of the situation. "I- please don't do this to me!"

Stevie could not bear the rejection, and she could not handle the sight of his penetrating gaze. She turned away.

"I'm sorry. SO. SORRY. You don't owe me anything! It was... I just needed to and... Just forget I said anything!" She whirled back around and quickly sputtered, "W-w-we, you and me, we're gonna be okay? I didn't ruin it, did I?"

"Easy," he rubbed her arm. "Nothing happened. You just made a misstep, and I just helped us not make a big mistake. Crisis averted."

Stevie was stunned to the core. Of course, she hadn't expected him to say I love you back. But...loving each other was a MISTAKE?! She was inexplicably hurt by his brushing it off like it was nothing. Like he was completely immune to her and unaffected by their latest bout of irresponsible, insatiable making-love.

She felt more alone than she ever had in her life. And that was saying something!

She hurriedly reminded herself that this night did not mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Sex or even feelings did not change anything. Men were still men, and mistresses still did not measure up against marriages. Tomorrow we will wake up and nothing will have changed, she chanted like a motto, trying unsuccessfully to convince herself.

Lindsey broke her out of her stupor to unexpectedly speak again."We have time. We can do this right this time. Don't think about it." 

Stevie wasn't sure what he meant, but anything was better to hear than 'I don't love you. I love my wife.' And somehow, his words were enough for her, at least for the moment. 

Like a bandage serving as the dam for a fatally bleeding heart.

So they fell back into their long-forgotten habit. Damaging silence and riotous lovemaking. On tour and at random. Anywhere and any time they could get away and steal a few hours together. For two artists who could not speak, they allowed their bodies to sing.

[Still 2011] Much later in the early hours of the morning...

Lindsey peered over Stevie's body and checked to make sure she was sleeping. Her breathing was heavy and even, and her eyes were closed.

He brushed her beautiful, natural curls from her face and gave her a light kiss.

"You'd be happy to know that the sound of your voice does follow me and that my wife can't come close to you," he whispered. "I do still love you, despite everything. Having to resist you for this many year is the hardest thing. But I can't love you...but I can't stop."

Then he lay back down, wrapping Stevie in his warm, strong body and spooning her protectively.

Lindsey had one more thing to say before he could go to sleep. He whispered in her ear: "I love you, Angel. Always. Wait for me."

Would she?

Could she?

Little did he know, Stevie was awake. She had heard it all.