GREAT

Bleeding heart

Out of habit I had left my sunshade on my hair and today,this moment I was so glad for that habit cause just as I let it down,the tiny sting of pain at the corner of my eyes opened the ocean of rain in my heart. So saved from the preying eyes of other passengers my head fell back on the chair headrest and let my heart bleed.
I had sneaked out from the house as early as I could to get to the park, it had taken the whole of my moral strength to do what I did,taking a final look at the most precious person in my life and a blessed memory for the rest of my life, his peaceful face I was so tempted to crawl back beside him maybe, just maybe this peace will rub off on my warring heart but I knew I had to leave cause staying might destroy the beautiful memory we had already built. Never knew I had this much tears and they fell more as my heart strayed to the content of the note I left on the bed.

" I wish I could stay till you wake but it would only make it difficult, how can I explain that I don't trust my heart when am with you, how can I tell that I have fallen hopeless and unforgivably in love with you, it crushes me cause I cant tell it. I have caught you looking at confused cause you can't explain why the joy that shines in my eyes or the excitement in my voice when am with you But forgive me I can't tell my heart how it will beat so I would rather take the memory we already have and leave than shatter If I stay "

THE PREVIOUS NIGHT
I had envisioned how this night, moment over and over in my dreams and thought. Just the two of us alone not in a hotel room so as not to be bothered by the hotel charge nor a friends place but in an apartment owned by either one of us so as to enjoy the freedom of exploration, down to the cloths I was to wear and the position. But right that very moment I have been waiting for in over two years finally here, him in a blue camouflage short and fancy open shirt,me in a black cheerleader short and a white crop top, my legs wrapped around his waist and our faces just so close. We still made silly jokes right in that position I loved the way his fingers played on my skin and flat tummy which he loved very much. At that moment I was so ready to go against my moral principles and break my three years and four months celibacy but right before my desire consumed my logical part my eyes went round the room sure enough I wasn't going to be the only lady to grace this room nor this bed, it wasn't gonna be cheating as there wasn't any commitment at least not from him. I looked at this face that has had me smiling even in my dreams and the arms that has always had a way of telling me how beautiful I am and the soul of the man that has my heart beating like that of a train and I knew that I was doomed.
The trip back to Abuja was so far the longest for me but also one i wasn't in the mood to end as everyone left me in my little world and with no mobile network my phone didn't ring so I wallowed in my dark world alone. I thought I was strong, I thought Cupid wouldn't play with me again cause I was done after my bitter experience with two ex. But I guess life has a way of playing joke on us.